I hesitate to write this.  I've had some information for over 2 weeks that I haven't wanted to talk about but I really can't put it off any longer. The truth is, this adoption is costing us more than we imagined and planned for. There has been a wide range of mixed emotions in our home over this topic and currently we're feeling peace because we know, even if we don't understand, that this is part of God's plan for our adoption journey and we must rise to the call. He's got the details figured out, I just know it. We are in this thing until the end and there's no turning back.

I don't like putting financials out in the open too much but here's the situation (please excuse me if I'm slightly vague). We received the Adoption Tax Credit a year ago from Silas' adoption which we initially planned on saving but we really felt like God was putting this next adoption in front of us and paving the way. Just so happens that the amount of the credit was exactly what we needed to completely pay the agency fees for the adoption plus a little extra to buy bunk beds for the boys' room. Next, we knew there would be expenses once we got matched with the birth mom to help support her until the baby comes. This is where babysitting comes in to play.  I have babysat several kids in our home since August and saved every dollar I've earned to put towards these expenses.

We had it all planned out and it would be accomplished totally on our own. Great! Right? I really should have known better. Has God not taught me time and time again that I can not make a plan and execute it on my own without flaw? Right here at the end He's coming in and showing that what I can do on my own will never be enough. We don't have enough money. It hurts to type that out...makes me feel somewhat of a failure. If I let myself really realize what's going on, I realize that we jumped into this adoption with some blind faith, God has provided in every step, shown Himself in the details, and I must finish it in blind faith as well. Satan keeps putting fear in me that I need to turn back into faith.

We are glad to have the opportunity to support the mom with whom we have been matched and her children but we can't do it alone. My sweet friend, Jenny, told me that I had to let go of my pride and ask for help. I guess we were just so thankful we didn't have to do fund raising this time around like we did with Silas' adoption. Don't you just love friends who tell you what you need to hear?

We don't have time to plan any kind of event but I am able to make things during nap time and in the evenings so here it is...aside from doing odds and ends stuff for some extra money, I have decided to make glass pendants to sell. These are rectangle (7/8" x 1.25") and can be placed on any chain you already have in your jewelry box. I'm starting out with a limited variety of designs and if they sell well, I'll get more supplies to make more!

Cost: $10 for locals or $12 shipped
Please specify which design you would like when you place your order: Chevron, Stripes (same colors as chevron), Pink Paisley Flower (each of these designs are slightly different).
Don't forget to add your mailing address if you would like it shipped to you.

We are matched! And other updates...

Just a few quick updates...

We got our match!!  On the morning of March 14 I was texting Kandi, our agency director, when she replied with, "Okay, I'm standing here talking with who I think will be your birth mother.  I'll call you soon."  What!?!?  My heart started to race, I texted that to Justin and another friend and waited with crazy anticipation!  I waited around not sure whether I should go ahead and shower or not...you know, as soon as I stepped in the shower the phone was sure to ring.  So I waited... 

A couple of hours later she called and this is the information I was given (at least some of it-I won't go into personal information about her online or any information that I would consider to be the baby's background story):
"Mama P" is 26
It's a BOY!!
She has several children
She lives locally
She has requested that I be at all doctor appointments and in the delivery room  YAY!!
Once the baby comes she would like a closed adoption but would like to get to know us in the meantime
She's due in July
She's very easy to talk to and funny
Her life is somewhat of a mess right now but she's working to get it straight

Wow, I just can't believe we're going to have THREE boys!  Sigh...

I asked Kandi later that day what it was about us that made her choose us.  I know she looked at 4 families and we were her pick but I was curious as to 'why us?'  She said she just felt like we were it. We were the first book she looked at and didn't really want to look at others because her mind was made up.  She liked that we already had kids, that we had adopted before, that we had Silas, and she just liked the way we looked.

The next step in the process was to meet each other and make sure this is what both of us want.  We met with Amy, our coordinator, for lunch that next Wednesday.  It was Justin, me, Amy, 'P', and her 3 boys at Chick-Fil-A.  We ate and talked for about 2 hours.  Luckily, there weren't many awkward moments and we left there feeling confident in her decision, feeling like this was the perfect match.  We already love her!  She said she had a doctor's appointment the next Monday and she wanted me there.  Wow, it just feels good.

Monday, March 25, 2013 was my 30th birthday!!  The best birthday present I could have ever gotten was seeing our future baby boy wiggling around on the ultrasound screen and hearing his sweet heartbeat!  Yes, feels really good.  After giving 'P' a few hugs, I left the appointment with ultrasound pictures and a full heart.  Is this really happening?

Last week I went to her next appointment with her and was able to get some maternity clothing to her, for which she was very grateful.  I love getting to know her and be with her throughout the pregnancy. The due date is mid-July but there are many factors that are pointing towards him coming early so we shall see!

This adoption will be different than Silas' was, as I plan to keep any identifying information for her private since she would like a closed adoption.  However, I know many are curious about what all is going on with us and this isn't exactly a common situation so there may be lots of questions. If you ever want to know anything please ask.  I love discussing adoption, how God is working through this situation, and would be more willing to answer slightly more personal questions in person instead of online.  I'll be blogging about how very apparent God has been through the past month very soon because I have lots to say about it but I needed to get the update out there for everyone first.

One more piece of information you may be wondering about...this is not our baby yet and she has the right to change her mind at any point before we go to court.  We are all feeling confident about the match, she is very set in her decision, and we are planning the nursery as if we are bringing him home from the hospital this summer.  All the while, we know there is a chance this may not happen.  This is no surprise to us and we knew this when we signed up for it but we have to move forward as if it's happening for good.  Yes, if she backed out we would be devastated...but we are loving with risk.  We're in this knowing God is in control and we have no idea how this journey will end but we are trusting that He's sovereign.

What I see when I see him

I get asked this question from time to time...

"So, when you look at Silas, who do you see?  Do you see a little African boy who you adopted or do you see your son?"

 

That's an interesting question because now that he's been in our lives about 2 years now,

the answer has changed.

 

 March 2011

 

This picture was taken a couple of weeks before we went to pick him up.  It's one of my least favorite pictures.  I guess it's a mother's intuition but I just felt like something was off.  It wasn't until after we got home that I realized how sick he had been. 

 

When I look back at this picture, I see lifeless eyes, weakness, sadness, tiredness, an orphan unattached to anyone, a heart crushed by abandonment, a baby longing for love and affection.  My heart hurt for him as I counted down the days until he would be united with us as a family.

 

 

June 2012

 

I can't believe this picture is almost 9 months old.  It's one of my favorite pictures because it shows his personality so well.  There's no denying how he feels about being a part of our family.

 

When I look at him now, I see life in eyes that beam when he smiles; personality that permeates the room.  I see his birth mother's beauty. I see a little boy who has come so far and has healed so much from emotional scars. Sure, he doesn't look like the rest of the family but I don't think much about that...I simply see my son.

Finally starting to get excited

I've had a hard time really being excited about this adoption.  I'm not really sure why, but I haven't.  Since Christmas, I've started to gather some baby goods!

*We returned our crib that both boys used due to the recall several years ago finally and got a FULL refund!  It just so happens that while we were at Target we saw some cribs on clearance and bought one.  Now we have extra money on a gift card that we can buy some other things we will need!  The crib is beautiful and it's just cool to have something brand new for this baby, as most other things will have gone through 2 kids.
*Our infant carseat carrier is now over 5 years old so we had to get rid of it and get a new one of those.
*Thanks to Zulily, I got a new fabulous diaper bag super cheap!
*A packNplay...we borrowed a bassinet when Cooper was born but I didn't have anything good for the new baby to sleep in with us when it gets here.  I found a like-new packNplay at Rhea Lana the other day that has a bassinet level in it for a fantastic price.
*There are a couple of other things that we borrowed for Cooper and didn't need for Silas such as a playmat/gym thing and a swing that I was able to find used at Rhea Lana recently.

I think all we have left to get are gender specific things such as bedding, clothing, and paint for the accent wall in the nursery to match the bedding. 

There are so few things we can plan about this adoption that it feels good to be somewhat prepared with the 'stuff' we may need.  Hoping we get our call soon.

FAQ's Round #2

I wrote this several months ago and have just left it in my drafts.  I haven't felt the need to blog much at all during this adoption.  So many thoughts and emotions to process.  I feel like it's time to start now, though.

I'm quickly finding that domestic adoption has just as many myths, preconceived notions, and misinformation surrounding it as international adoption does.  One of my goals of blogging through Silas' adoption was to debunk some myths of international adoption so I guess I better do the same for this one as well.  These are the most common questions we have been getting lately.

~Are you going through DHS?
No, we aren't.  We have chosen to use a local Christian agency who does domestic adoptions; mainly with birth mothers who are choosing to place their newborns for adoption.  We feel very comfortable with this agency and they do lots of counseling with both their adoptive families and birth mothers.  They take their time, they're thorough, and take care of both parties.

~Why a domestic adoption?
Simple.  This is where God has led us.

~So, can you not have any more kids?
Maybe, maybe not.  Honestly, my reproductive health isn't anyone's business but what I will say is that it wouldn't be wise to try and get pregnant.  We're okay with that.
I ended up needing a hysterectomy a few months ago.  We didn't start either adoption as a 'plan B' for not getting pregnant; we always wanted to adopt.  It just so happens that now I'm unable to have any more biological children.  Would I have liked to get pregnant again some day?  Yes, of course, but I know this is God's plan for my life and I'm working on accepting it.

~Isn't adoption expensive?  And you're not working, are you?
Yes, it is expensive and no, I'm not teaching right now.  However, it's not much different than the cost of a hospital birth and doctor's fees for someone who doesn't have maternity coverage.  This adoption will not cost as much as the last due to many factors.  Luckily we were able to qualify for the adoption tax credit last year (weren't even aware of it before we started Silas' adoption) and it has paid for the majority of this one.  To finish up paying for the rest of the costs, I'm babysitting a few kids during the week.  Amazing how God puts an opportunity out there that He wants you to take, and then provides the means!

~Who are you going to adopt?
We know it will be an African American newborn.  Other than that, we have no idea.  We completed a profile book showing who we are and when there are expectant mothers who come to the agency, they will look through the books and choose the family they want for their child.

~Is the birth mom going to show up at your door step and want to take her kid back?
No.  With this type of adoption, and with the counseling our agency does with the birth mothers, this kind of thing doesn't happen.  Ten days after birth we will go to court and we will become the parents.  Until then, even when we have custody of the baby after the hospital, the baby will not be our child yet and it's mother has the right to change her mind and choose to parent.  We respect this and if she feels that she is capable,and in the posititon to parent, then she should.  If there is such a disruption, it will happen before we go to court on day 10.

~Are you going to have a relationship with the birth mother?
It depends on her situation and what we are comfortable with.  We believe that there is much healing in a semi-open adoption arrangement.  We'll have to see what the birth mother requests and come up with a plan together.

~How long does it take?
We have no idea.  It depends on when our family is chosen and how far along she is when we are chosen.  If at any point there is a disruption and she chooses to parent, we wait to be chosen by someone else.  Could be next month, could be next year.

~Don't you already have your hands full right now?
I sure do!  Full of love, silliness, and fun!  Can't wait to add to it!

We do understand there is a lot of risk in this decision.  We also know there is beauty in risk and we are completely walking by faith, as this is certainly a God-led journey. 

Lord above, I need a miracle

Last Thursday, my husband and I witnessed God at work.  No kidding...God's still in the miracle business.

We were sitting at dinner and he received a random text message from a random person. 

Text:  I want to commit suicide.

We found out soon enough that this was no random incident.  This was part of a bigger plan.

We immediately wondered who it may be from the food pantry that was reaching out to us, as many of our customers have Justin's number.  I had to leave for a meeting and I told him to keep this person talking and get some information...and that who knows, it may just be a joke.  When I got home, I found out the rest of the story.  The following is their conversation.  I believe it took place over the course of an hour or so.

J:  Who is this?
Her: Wrong number.
J:  I advise that you do not do it.
Her:  If you had the problems I did you would think about the same thing too.  You just don't understand.  My mom is sick and we are HOMELESS.
J:  I'm sorry.  Where do you live?
Her:  Right now nowhere at all but we're in NLR.
J:  Before you make any decisions please call Danny at Levy Church of Christ at 753-4860.
Her:  Do you think maybe he could help us get into a shelter?
J:  Yes, or call Paul at River City Ministry ***-****.  He works at River City which is a homeless ministry.  What's your name?
Her:  "Tanya". Thank you.  God bless you forever.
J:  Who were you trying to text?
Her:  My sister
J:  Just curious how you got this number.
Her:  You guys have similar numbers.
J:  Gotcha.  Please call both of those men tomorrow.  Paul can help you and Danny can help talk with you.
Her:  I did and I thank you so much.  I am forever grateful.
J: Did you get a hold of Paul?
Her:  What's your name?  I'm going to the place tomorrow morning and yes, thank you.  I did get in touch with him.
J:  Justin
Her:  I will never forget you.
J:  Great.  I'll be praying for you.  Stay strong.  Jesus is your friend and He loves you.
Her:  Thank you Justin.  You'll always be in my prayers.  Always.

I came home from my meeting and he read all of this to me and I was overwhelmed at the entire situation.  It's a pretty huge deal to wrap your head around.  What if he had ignored the random text?  What if he had just written it off as a joke?  We went to bed that night thankful for the opportunity to share the information, not knowing whether there would be any follow through on her part.  He knew he had done the right thing by directing her to some great resources.

What happened next is the part that completely blows my mind.  Justin called me Friday and said, "You'll never guess who called me today.  It was Tanya!!  She said she had gotten in touch with River City and she got into a house and it's close to her job!"  Not even 18 hours before this she had been at the brink of despair and now she has a home and hope for her future.  All because of this 'random' situation.  Like I said before, we found out this was no random event.  God is my only explanation.  He's still in the miracle business.

Ever since then, the Third Day song "I Need A Miracle" has been in my head.  Here's an excerpt...

Well no matter who you are
And no matter what you've done
There will come a time
When you can't make it on your own
And in your hour of desperation
Know you're not the only one
Prayin' "Lord above, I need a miracle"
I need a miracle

He lost his job and all he had in the fall of '09
Now he feared the worst, that he would lose his children and his wife
So he drove down deep into the woods and thought he'd end it all
And prayed, "Lord above, I need a miracle"

Chorus

He turned on the radio to hear a song for the last time
He didn't know what he was looking for even what he'd find
And the song he heard it gave him hope and strength to carry on
And on that night, they found a miracle
They found a miracle

And in your hour of desperation
Know you're not the only one
Prayin' "Lord above, I need a miracle"
Lord above, I need a miracle


(Her name was changed and a personal cell phone number was omitted.)

My God's not dead, He's surely alive!

My friend, Latisha, and I worked off and on for about a year on getting a food pantry started at our church.  The pantry was finally opened to the public at the beginning of last month and even though there are some minor kinks we are working out, it's going extremely well.  Pantry days are now our favorite days of the month!

Something amazing happened at the pantry yesterday. We may have been about an hour into working the pantry and I came out from the store rooms to see a man suspiciously walking around the front room amidst the goings on of the pantry. I asked him if he was here to receive food and he hesitated and looked around before he said, "No." Insert extremely awkward, long silence. At this point I'm not sure what's going on. My head is too concerned with trying to figure out why this man is standing in front of me to remember the exact exchange of words we had next. He told lme that instead of coming to do what he meant to do, he would give us a donation instead. What kind of donation?.... He thought...more awkward silence (little did I know, God was working in this awkwardness). I asked him his name, trying to fill some gaps and be polite, and he told me I didn't need to know him, but God knew it. He opened his wallet and gave me $40. I'm shocked. I told him he was precious--he told me that he indeed was not precious, that I did not know him. He also told me that he is nothing without God, which I completely agreed with. As he made his way out the door, those around me who saw this situation all looked at one another in disbelief, trying to figure out what had just happened. Not even three minutes later, the man walked back in. I was confused but smiled and greeted him. He pulled out his wallet and gave me a crisp $100 bill and walked out. All I could say was a simple thank you. Again, I'm shocked. I'm humbled. I'm in awe. It's clicking in my head what just happened. Did you catch it?

My prayer for the pantry this day was specifically that we may be a blessing to all who we come into contact with and that they may see Christ through us. This man came to us intending to take food he did not need and take advantage of us. He looked around and took a minute to see what we were doing and God changed his heart. We witnssed true conviction of this man's heart by nothing we said, but by him seeing Christ through us. God called him to honesty and didn't stop there, but provided a large amount of money as well. What this man didn't know was that we went through close to 30 boxes of cereal in 2 hours and we are completely out of a few items. He has been a blessing to us, and while his money means a lot, knowing the power of God working through this ministry means so much more. Way more than money could ever mean. When hearts are changed and mouths are fed, the work of Christ is being done. I have no idea if we will ever see this man again but I pray for God to continue to work in his life.

Please keep this ministry in your prayers as we serve the community around us.

A Father's Day Announcement

We have a little bit of news...we're adopting again!

Yes, that's right.  God has been working in us for the past several months and after much prayer and searching about how best to add another child to our family, it's been very clear to us that adoption is what God has in store for us and we are thrilled!

We have chosen to use a local, domestic agency who matches expectant mothers with adoptive families.  I could go on and on about how wonderful they are.

So far, we have been approved, gotten our profile book together, and have started the home study process.  Once our home study is complete in a few weeks, we'll be a waiting family again.  We will wait until an expectant mother chooses us and we have no idea how long that will be.  As with all adoptions there are so many unknowns and we are trusting that the right thing will happen.  It's all a rollercoaster of events and emotions so we never know what to expect but we are ready to do this thing again!

A Request

Let me start by saying how thankful I am to have the opportunity to do mission work.  Although I have felt Satan try to roadblock every step of the way, God has provided everything I have needed thus far.  My family will be taking care of my kids/husband while I'm gone, my sweet friend has done all of our travel arrangements, my church has provided funding, and so many friends and family have given donations to take.  This trip has seemed somewhat effortless so far.  I don't mean to get too comfortable, though.  Like I said in my last post, there's risk in this trip.  There always is.

I have a few prayer requests for our trip.  I will be gone March 18-27 and most of the group will be staying until about April 1.
*Safety, in air and in country-I hate flying and have anxiety issues with it
*Open hearts of those we minister to and that God shows Himself big time!
*My family-that my boys are safe and sleep well, my inlaws as they help take care of the boys, and for my sweet husband as he is Mr. Mom
*My health-that my back stays strong and none of us get sick
*My grandmother-she's not doing well and I pray I'll have the opportunity to see her again when I get home

As well as we've planned and as much as we pray, I know not everything will go exactly as planned.  A friend has recently said that when things don't go exactly as planned, it's an opportunity for God to show Himself.  That gives me much comfort in reminding myself that He's in control and His plan is better than anything I could ever dream up.  So, I must trust and obey.

Why I'm going back

When I tell people I'm going back to Ethiopia, I usually get the same response.  Big eyes and, "really...." and a strange head shake.  I can tell that, for the most part, many people don't understand why I would want to go back so soon, especially since I got sick last time.

Let's be honest here, there are plenty of reasons I shouldn't go.
*I hate flying...and East Africa is a long ways away if you haven't looked at a map lately
*My whole family is staying home
*I'm missing Spring Break with my kids
*I won't be spending my birthday with my family
*I had to get more shots...ouch! in my arm and pocketbook
*My recent back injury isn't completely better
*I'm still working on bonding/attachment with Silas at times and this could put us back
*My Mamaw has been in and out of the hospital a lot lately and we
*Hellooo!  The Hunger Games movie comes out while I'm gone!!
*I got sick last time.  Really sick.

Bottom line:  There's risk.  And by the world's standards, it's probably too risky.  I should just stay home and enjoy the comfortable life I have here.  Why jeopardize anything?

I'll tell you why.  I believe that we were put on this earth to love.  Sure, I could just love those around me in my area and believe me, I do.  But God has put a love for the African people in my heart and it's been there for a long time.  Now that I've experienced them and their culture firsthand, not to mention my sweet baby, I feel even more passionately about them.  Let me make myself clear.  I do not believe they need rich Americans to come in and take anything over, tell them what to do, or do anything for them.  I do believe that if God has so richly blessed anyone with resources, we are to help those in need with what we have.  It's about perspective and heart.  It's about love and sacrifice.

Ever heard the phrase, "I need Africa more than Africa needs me"?  Yeah, I do need Africa.  I need to be reminded that there is much joy in suffering.  I need to enjoy the simplicity of their daily life.  I need to be reminded that this world is not our home.  I need to be reminded that I must acknowledge the blessings I so often take for granted.  I also feel like I need to stay connected to my son's roots.

I'm going back, taking risks, making sacrifices, and I'm ready to love.  Love people who the world has deemed unworthy, forgotten, unlovable.  I asked God to give me an opportunity to go back and minister to some of the people I love the most, this opportunity came up, God has opened every door for this trip, and I'm going.  If I wasn't so sure He had paved the way for this trip, I might be hesitant.  But I'm not. 

More info on exactly what we'll be doing coming soon!

Priorities

In a time of social media encouraging so many of us to either put a fake face forward or feel inferior to those who post a picture of life perfection, I'll take a few minutes and get real.  No guilt.

I admit it, I don't:
*Shower every morning...sometimes I can't fit it in until nighttime
*Have a spotless, organized house
*Scrub the shower and change sheets as often as I'd like
*Make my own laundry detergent...there's not much that beats Charlie's Soap
*Plan fantastic outings for my kids
*Homeschool...or even plan to right now
*Bring home a paycheck
*Love every second of every day staying home with my kids
*Read my Bible and study like I want to
*Cloth diaper Silas like I did Cooper...don't ask!
*Shop very often or have very many cute clothes

But I do:
*Meal plan as healthy as our budget allows
*Splurge on a Target $1 bin treat now and then
*Get crafty with my kids
*Let my kids get dirty
*Try to have alone time with each kid a few times a week
*Knit/crochet/sew when I feel good
*Use a cash only, envelope system for budgeting
*Try to garden
*Limit TV time
*Discipline and teach my children to the best of my ability
*Limit processed foods and chemicals in my home
*Rest!
*Make time to have fun with friends

Looking at my 'Don't's it allows me to realize what goals I need to make for myself.  It also reminds me that some things may be important to others but aren't priorities of mine and that's okay.  I'm really okay with not doing the popular thing or something just because it's what society or a group of people believes you're 'supposed to' do.

Looking at my 'Do's it allows me to see what I value.  It's a good reminder sometimes.  I see how intentional choices I've made the past 2 years are playing out in my family and I like the way it looks.  It's the result of goal setting over time.  I'm getting comfortable in this season where God has me.  There you go...realness.

Part 2

Five months later....so typical of life lately!

The basics of the 5 day hospital stay:  They knew I was really sick, had taken 2 trips to Africa, liver function tests were up, massive headaches, lots of fever, dehydration, white count mostly normal.  The infectious disease doc went crazy ordering tests to see what I may have.  They ran tests for anything tick related, yellow fever, dengue fever, the list goes on.  They even did finger pricks and put my blood on about 10 slides to look at under the microscope.  At one point, I remember him coming in and telling me that he had no idea what was making me so sick but he knew I didn't have HIV or malaria.  Well, that was positive, right?  I don't remember how many times my blood was taken in those few days-I lost count.  They were sending some tests to the CDC in Atlanta, some across town to a big lab, and some were being read there at the hospital.  I felt like some kind of science experiement!  I ended up having an abdominal CT scan and now just thinking of the drink they gave me makes me want to gag!  The next day I had a spinal tap and totally flipped out.  I'd had one in high school once when I was so sick and it was a traumatic experience and at this point I was so exhausted and sick and just wanted to feel good and be home.  The final thing they had me do was a urine sample and the fact that it looked like blood-tinged dark beer made me really nervous about what was going on in my body.

You know what?  God is faithful.  He always has been and He always will be.  I prayed the entire time I was there that they would find answers and I would receive healing.

The verdict:
~Enlarged spleen
~Affected liver and kidneys

I found out that I had cytomegalovirus (CMV).  Apparently, most people get it as kids and are mostly asymptomatic and then become immune to it.  I'm in the 20% of adults who never was exposed to it as a kid and when you get it as an adult, it's really bad.  It's similar to mono in its symptoms but is in the chicken pox/herpes family.  They told me it would take about 2 months to recover and I needed bedrest.  I could have gotten it anywhere but it was more prevalent in the third world.

At my 2 week follow up with the infectious disease doctor, he had more news for me.  One of the tests they sent off for had come back after I left the hospital.  I tested positive for Hepatitis E.  What?  E?  Who has ever heard of that?  He told me that I didn't want to know this, but Hep E was a fecal-oral transmitted disease.  He said that I probably got it from contaminated food in Ethiopia.  Ewwww!

So I had CMV and Hep E.  Who gets those?  Apparently me!  I know of SO many friends who have gone and no one has gotten sick like this except for me.  In my weakness, Satan has had some power over me but I know who's stronger.

It has been a hard road to recovery.  Needing bedrest and having full time help with my kids for 3 days wasn't enough but we've managed.  It just meant that it took me longer to recover.  God knew that.  Luckily, I could take my time in the summer and then I didn't have to go back to teaching in the fall.  Due to all of this and past health issues of mine, I was denied by health insurance companies.  God knew this, too.  We were shown other programs offered by our state so that I could get health insurance.  It's not the best plan out there, but I'm thankful for it!  Instead of running here and there and being busy, I've been able to spend time with my boys.  I'm so very thankful my life isn't as busy as it used to be so that we can focus on our family and making memories together.

It's not easy.  Adoption isn't easy.  Illness isn't easy.  Life isn't easy.  Parenting sure isn't easy!  But God knows this and when we lean to His word and not our own understanding, He not only gets us through, but He gets the glory!  He has brought our family so far in the past year, I just can't wrap my head around it sometimes.  He's continually teaching us something and I pray that we are always listening and receptive to the lessons to be learned and guide our family by His ways always.

Referral Day!

One year ago today we looked into these big brown eyes for the first time.  My, how he's grown!

6 months home

I guess it's time to share our video.

Make a video - it's fun, easy and free!
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Don't forget to pause the music at the bottom of the page before playing this video.  Enjoy!

It's not easy

Nothing about life is easy.  We were never promised an easy life.  I get that.

The past year or so I've thought many times, "Wow, this stage of life is hard...maybe that means better things are to come," and then, somehow, something happens that makes me think everything's going down the crapper.  Not complaining, just reflecting and trying to figure it all out.

Parenting a child who has lived through several emotional traumas within the first year of his life along with some developmental delays has proven to be more difficult than I had imagined.  It doesn't help that I've been sick and haven't felt well the majority of the time.  I had cytomegalovirus and Hepatitis E at the same time and I believe I contracted them both from Silas.

We had been home a month and it was already time for me to go back to work.  Another huge transition in a short time for my body.  It was the last 4 1/2 weeks of school and I was determined to finish the year off right.  The first two weeks, I started to get headaches that I attributed to tiredness and transition.  The next week, I was taking Advil around the clock to keep the headaches at bay and some were even migraines.  That last week, I started having body aches that felt like fever although I didn't have fever and the fatigue was overwhelming.  I went to the doctor on that Friday because I knew something was wrong.  They ran bloodwork and told me that it was just stress and I wasn't sleeping well and that's why I was having the headaches.  Saturday afternoon I started running fever and I stayed in bed most of the weekend.  

There were only two days left of school and I hadn't let my principal know I wasn't coming back the next year, or even started packing up my classroom so I knew I had to make it to work...but there was no way.  I stayed at home that Monday and called to let the doctor's office know I had been running fever.  They looked at my labs and saw that my urine report was abnormal so they prescribed Cipro and called it a UTI (although I had no symptoms other than back pain) and I figured it was a bad kidney infection.  I made myself go to work on Tuesday, the last day of school.  I handed over my resignation letter, packed up my classroom, and told my students whom I loved, goodbye for the last time.  All the while, I was running a high fever and was almost delirious from that and the headache.  The next couple of days I needed others to take care of my kids while I stayed in bed.  My fever came and went and I called to let the doctors know the antibiotics weren't working so they called in another UTI antibiotic.  Deep down, I knew that wasn't the problem.

Thursday night, I started feeling so much worse.  I thought maybe it was mono due to the amount of fatigue I had been experiencing and the ongoing fever.  I went to the clinic at Walmart to see if they could run a quick mono test.  The nurse practitioner there ran a full set of blood work and also a mono test that came back negative.  She was extremely concerned because someone of my age, who is otherwise healthy, should not be experiencing symptoms like that.  She told me I was very dehydrated and if she could hook me up to a bag of fluids, she would do it right then!  I left there that night with no more answers than the fact that it wasn't mono.  She said she would call me the next morning when the rest of the blood work came back.

Friday morning, I get a call.  She said I need to get to a doctor very soon because my liver enzymes were elevated and the differential showed there was some type of viral infection in my body.  I was supposed to go to a walk in clinic on the other side of town right after lunch to be seen.  That doctor didn't care about my liver, she was really concerned about my kidneys!  She banged around on my back and put me in more pain than I could bare and they did another urine culture and found lots of blood.  My white count was still low (meaning no bacterial infection!!) but she prescribed high dose levaquin and told me that if I still have a fever in 24 hours, I needed to go to the ER.  On the way home, I was feeling worse and worse...although, I don't know how it could have gotten worse.  I laid down in my bed and decided within 30 minutes it was time for the ER.  On a Friday afternoon, really?  This ought to be fun.

We waited for a few hours and I can't describe the headache and body pain I was feeling.  I knew my fever was going up and I was scared.  Finally, we got back there and I was so dehydrated they had a hard time getting the IV in.  The doctors were baffled at my history of a month long headache and the run around I've had by several doctors in the past week.  There's no telling what I was exposed to during both recent Ethiopia trips so their minds are swirling trying to figure out what possibly could be wrong with me....

I'm tired of typing and I'm sure you're tired of reading.  To be continued.

How is he doing??

I get this question a lot.  We've now been home with Silas for 4 months and, I know I've said this before, but he's a completely different kid than he was when we got him.  At 9/10 months old, he was content with laying on the floor on his back and playing with our fingers.  This kept him entertained for quite some time.  He was able to crawl and pull up but he wasn't very good at it.  He had this spacey look on his face as if he was somewhat disconnected with reality.  I don't blame him!!  He had no idea what to do with an object in front of him and we had to teach him to play with toys.  He was very content about most things but once he found out we were there to meet his needs like no one ever had before, he became extremely demanding quickly!!

He's come a long way.  He crawls, cruises, and took his first three steps Friday night!  He hasn't done any more since then and I doubt he will for a while.  We'll just keep watching.  He learned to clap and grasp toys.  Then he learned to pinch and finally put food in his mouth a few days before his first birthday.  He learned how to nap in a quiet room all by himself for longer than a few minutes at a time...that was quite an accomplishment!  And exhausting for me!  He's still not great at it but at least he sleeps well at night.  He transitioned from formula and cereal (the only food he had for the first 10 months of life) into a full diet just like ours.  Now he eats everything he can get his hands on and begs for more.  It took a while, but we taught him to play with toys, rather than just the people in the room.  He needed to be able to have a curiosity about objects and figure them out on his own.  He will now go play by himself from time to time and is curious about new things and spaces and has a need to check them out.  As far as his health goes, we got word while I was in the hospital that he no longer has rickets!  So thankful!  He's also getting up to date with his shots and is about at the 50th %ile in just about every area.

He's also gotten verbal and does little 'tricks'.  He gives kisses, blows kisses, can "vrrrrroom" a car, says "bye-bye" and waves, "hiiiii!!!" with a wave, "mama", "dada", "moh!" (more), "muck" (milk), "bbbroooose" (shoes...doesn't make sense, I know), "thiiiis?", "uh-tiz-it" (what is it?), and DANCES!  He's got some moves, let me tell you!  He makes us laugh so much.

He also loves his brother.  Those boys are absolutely smitten with each other.  I have so many stories about funny things Cooper says about him but this one comes from yesterday.  We were listening to a song at lunch that had the African Children's Choir in it.  I had explained to Cooper who they were and where Uganda was.  He said to me, "I like African kids......I really like OUR African kid."  He makes me smile.

So to answer the question, Silas is doing great.

This picture is kind of funny to me.  The one on the left is of him as a baby-I have no idea how old he was.  This was stamped into his Certificate of Citizenship for the US but our last name was spelled wrong so we had to get it redone with a new passport picture (right).  I had to compare the two and it think it's so cute!  He's grown so much and gotten some much needed vitamin D/sunlight!!  Ha!  Once this gets completed, we will be able to do a legal name change, apply for his state certificate of foreign birth (instead of a birth certificate), and then redo his social security card with his new name on it.  Right now, he's Selamu Justin Taylor.  That kind of makes me laugh.

Aaaand two weeks later.....

I guess I'll get around to my little personal pep talk.

Not long after we got home and I was here at the house with the boys during the day before I went back to work, I told Justin how lazy I felt.  I was dealing with a new baby who we were all trying to learn, jet lag, a decision to quit my job that no one knew about at this point, and I just felt like I couldn't get caught up with anything and didn't really care to.  There were days when nothing around the house got done...we just survived.  And this was before I even got sick...I'll get to that post soon.  His reply to me?  "Emily, think about everything you have accomplished over the past 3 1/2-4 years and then tell me you're lazy!"  Thanks for the perspective, honey.

Over the past 3 1/2-4 years, I...
*Had Cooper
*Decided to change careers from a nutritionist to a teacher
*Started grad school
*Quit my job at the hospital
*Started working as a middle school teacher-I had no curriculum the first 1.5 years and wrote it all myself
*Had surgery and dealt with some really terrible medication therapy
*Decided to adopt and began down that road
*Waited, waited, waited...
*Graduated with my master's
*Got our referral for Silas
*Surgery again, out of state
*Traveled to ET for court
*Completed my Praxis III for my teaching license
*Traveled to ET to get Silas
*Decide to stay home with my boys
*Sick for 2 months with illnesses I likely got in ET/from Silas
*Currently working on a few ministry ideas that should be in place in the next few months...and another trip to Ethiopia!?!

Okay, so I guess I don't fall into the category of lazy.  To be honest, I've overworked myself the past few years.  Between having a small child, going to grad school, starting a new career, being on the adoption journey, and dealing with health issues all at the same time has been almost more than I could handle at times. Now, when I actually slow down and take time for myself it feels like I'm being lazy or not accomplishing anything.  But I've now realized that my sanity is important. :)  My priorities have changed some and my family is my focus.  It feels good to have gotten through the last few rough years and who knows how rough the next few may be.  If so, I know we will make it because we've been tested in several ways and have made it through beautifully.

This is my attempt to tell myself that, as I head into this new season of my life, I can do it and I can do it well. When I have a 'lazy' day with the boys here at home, it's because I'm savoring them and my time with them while they're young.  I haven't abandoned teaching and I will go back to it someday because I love it...but not more than my two sweet babies.  I've found a job that I love so much that I don't care if I don't get paid and I'm thankful for a chance to slow my life down a little.  We've been working on cutting out many things from our lives that we don't have to have.  Living more simply.  I'm ready to take on the new challenge ahead of me and be able to enjoy it all at the same time.  Something that I haven't really been able to do the past few years with so many different things going on at once.

Not sure I feel 'peppy' now, but certainly at peace.

Guess Who's Back?

MEEE!!!!  At least I think...  Ha!  Some days I wonder!

This blog has gotten neglected over the past few months and I haven't even finished up our trip to Ethiopia.  So much has happened since then!  I went back to work, got super duper sick, quit my job, Father's Day, Silas' first movie, he has a few words, we added on to our house, etc., etc., etc.  I'll get around to all of it eventually.  I think first up is a pep talk for myself.  We all need one of those to keep us going every once in a while, right?  Hopefully I can get to it later tonight or tomorrow.  I'm ready to start writing again!

Ethiopia Day 4

Saturday, April 2, 2011

One of the perks of staying at the Ethiopian Guest House is that you get a complimentary massage. Ahhhhh...  So nice!  We scheduled ours for this morning right after breakfast because we were told that we didn't have anything scheduled until the afternoon.  The translator and driver would be busy in the morning picking up the other family from the airport.  We weren't expecting to have anywhere to be until a while after lunch.  I had my massage second and as I was coming down the stairs I saw that Hermella was talking to Justin, saying we had to leave right then.  What?  We needed a serious shower after getting greased down from the massage!  Oh well.  We packed up the baby and then headed on to the House of Hope so the others could get their kids and we could take pictures for our friends.  After lunch at the House of Hope Guest Home we went back to our guest home.

He got to see his nanny friends wen we went back.

This was the day I realized there was a reason (well, more than one but...) that God does not allow women to birth 20 pound + babies.  My arms were not used to lugging him around and now that I'd done it for the third day, my arms were getting tired.  As I held him to give him a bottle on my left arm, without any support again, I pulled a muscle in my shoulder.  I figure the massage loosened it up earlier in the morning and when I used the next time, it was strained.  Ouch!  It was difficult to hold him, change clothes, shower...  What a big boy he is!

That afternoon, we went to fill out our paperwork for our Embassy appointment Monday!  It took all of a few minutes and we were off to go shopping with the other two families and their kids.  I wanted to get some scarves, jewelry, coffee, etc. as souvenirs for friends and family.

The rest of the evening was spent enjoying our sweet baby a little more before his bedtime.  We were so thankful that he was consistently sleeping from 7 pm to 6 am!!

Ethiopia Day 3

Friday, April 1, 2011

As the sun rose at 6 am, I noticed Silas was snuggling in his Pack N Play with his lovey!  I just had to get up and take a picture of it.  His eyes were closed until he heard the beep and it flashed...oops!  I don't remember if I said this or not in the last post, but Thursday night I only slept about 30 minutes.  No fun.  I changed lots of diapers, listened to the cars and trucks outside, the donkeys, the rooster, the dogs...smelled the exhaust fumes, dirt, and smoke from the cow patty stoves.  My mind ran all night long.

We got up and ready Friday morning and went to the National Museum.  The other couples who were coming to get their kids weren't scheduled to be there until that night or early the next morning so we were by ourselves with our translator.  The museum isn't exactly what most Americans would expect to see.  Because of my semester overseas during college, I was able to see all kinds of small museums and this really wasn't much different than those.  There were artifacts from the different regions of the country, pottery, weaved baskets, old farming tools, etc.  Pretty interesting to me.  I love learning about other cultures, especially how they 'used to be.'

Two strange things in this museum.  Lucy-Said to be the oldest found skeleton. They say she's a hominid (ape/human hybrid species).  A painting of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden-They were apes.  Apparently there's a theory that meshes Darwin's evolution and God's creation together.  I couldn't help but laugh.  I thought it was so strange!  Never heard of that before!

I had Silas in the Moby the whole time and he was great!  He slept some, peeked out some.  So sweet.  There were a lot of school kids there that day and we got lots of looks, if you can imagine.  There were several girls who came up to us and wanted to play with him.  :)  As we left, there were a few more groups of smaller kids outside and they were playing London Bridges and singing it in English.  Oh, how I love their little accents!  So precious...I had a hard time not staring.

We got back to the guest house, had lunch and then napped!  Oh, it was so nice to actually sleep.  We ended up declining the afternoon outing to Entoto Mountain because we were napping on and off all afternoon.  Now that I know what I missed, I kind of regret that decision.  Maybe we'll have an opportunity to go back and see it someday.  Friday was such a lazy day but we enjoyed just being there, getting over jet lag, and getting to know Silas without much hustle and bustle.  I was so thankful for coming a few days early.