What I see when I see him

I get asked this question from time to time...

"So, when you look at Silas, who do you see?  Do you see a little African boy who you adopted or do you see your son?"

 

That's an interesting question because now that he's been in our lives about 2 years now,

the answer has changed.

 

 March 2011

 

This picture was taken a couple of weeks before we went to pick him up.  It's one of my least favorite pictures.  I guess it's a mother's intuition but I just felt like something was off.  It wasn't until after we got home that I realized how sick he had been. 

 

When I look back at this picture, I see lifeless eyes, weakness, sadness, tiredness, an orphan unattached to anyone, a heart crushed by abandonment, a baby longing for love and affection.  My heart hurt for him as I counted down the days until he would be united with us as a family.

 

 

June 2012

 

I can't believe this picture is almost 9 months old.  It's one of my favorite pictures because it shows his personality so well.  There's no denying how he feels about being a part of our family.

 

When I look at him now, I see life in eyes that beam when he smiles; personality that permeates the room.  I see his birth mother's beauty. I see a little boy who has come so far and has healed so much from emotional scars. Sure, he doesn't look like the rest of the family but I don't think much about that...I simply see my son.

Finally starting to get excited

I've had a hard time really being excited about this adoption.  I'm not really sure why, but I haven't.  Since Christmas, I've started to gather some baby goods!

*We returned our crib that both boys used due to the recall several years ago finally and got a FULL refund!  It just so happens that while we were at Target we saw some cribs on clearance and bought one.  Now we have extra money on a gift card that we can buy some other things we will need!  The crib is beautiful and it's just cool to have something brand new for this baby, as most other things will have gone through 2 kids.
*Our infant carseat carrier is now over 5 years old so we had to get rid of it and get a new one of those.
*Thanks to Zulily, I got a new fabulous diaper bag super cheap!
*A packNplay...we borrowed a bassinet when Cooper was born but I didn't have anything good for the new baby to sleep in with us when it gets here.  I found a like-new packNplay at Rhea Lana the other day that has a bassinet level in it for a fantastic price.
*There are a couple of other things that we borrowed for Cooper and didn't need for Silas such as a playmat/gym thing and a swing that I was able to find used at Rhea Lana recently.

I think all we have left to get are gender specific things such as bedding, clothing, and paint for the accent wall in the nursery to match the bedding. 

There are so few things we can plan about this adoption that it feels good to be somewhat prepared with the 'stuff' we may need.  Hoping we get our call soon.

FAQ's Round #2

I wrote this several months ago and have just left it in my drafts.  I haven't felt the need to blog much at all during this adoption.  So many thoughts and emotions to process.  I feel like it's time to start now, though.

I'm quickly finding that domestic adoption has just as many myths, preconceived notions, and misinformation surrounding it as international adoption does.  One of my goals of blogging through Silas' adoption was to debunk some myths of international adoption so I guess I better do the same for this one as well.  These are the most common questions we have been getting lately.

~Are you going through DHS?
No, we aren't.  We have chosen to use a local Christian agency who does domestic adoptions; mainly with birth mothers who are choosing to place their newborns for adoption.  We feel very comfortable with this agency and they do lots of counseling with both their adoptive families and birth mothers.  They take their time, they're thorough, and take care of both parties.

~Why a domestic adoption?
Simple.  This is where God has led us.

~So, can you not have any more kids?
Maybe, maybe not.  Honestly, my reproductive health isn't anyone's business but what I will say is that it wouldn't be wise to try and get pregnant.  We're okay with that.
I ended up needing a hysterectomy a few months ago.  We didn't start either adoption as a 'plan B' for not getting pregnant; we always wanted to adopt.  It just so happens that now I'm unable to have any more biological children.  Would I have liked to get pregnant again some day?  Yes, of course, but I know this is God's plan for my life and I'm working on accepting it.

~Isn't adoption expensive?  And you're not working, are you?
Yes, it is expensive and no, I'm not teaching right now.  However, it's not much different than the cost of a hospital birth and doctor's fees for someone who doesn't have maternity coverage.  This adoption will not cost as much as the last due to many factors.  Luckily we were able to qualify for the adoption tax credit last year (weren't even aware of it before we started Silas' adoption) and it has paid for the majority of this one.  To finish up paying for the rest of the costs, I'm babysitting a few kids during the week.  Amazing how God puts an opportunity out there that He wants you to take, and then provides the means!

~Who are you going to adopt?
We know it will be an African American newborn.  Other than that, we have no idea.  We completed a profile book showing who we are and when there are expectant mothers who come to the agency, they will look through the books and choose the family they want for their child.

~Is the birth mom going to show up at your door step and want to take her kid back?
No.  With this type of adoption, and with the counseling our agency does with the birth mothers, this kind of thing doesn't happen.  Ten days after birth we will go to court and we will become the parents.  Until then, even when we have custody of the baby after the hospital, the baby will not be our child yet and it's mother has the right to change her mind and choose to parent.  We respect this and if she feels that she is capable,and in the posititon to parent, then she should.  If there is such a disruption, it will happen before we go to court on day 10.

~Are you going to have a relationship with the birth mother?
It depends on her situation and what we are comfortable with.  We believe that there is much healing in a semi-open adoption arrangement.  We'll have to see what the birth mother requests and come up with a plan together.

~How long does it take?
We have no idea.  It depends on when our family is chosen and how far along she is when we are chosen.  If at any point there is a disruption and she chooses to parent, we wait to be chosen by someone else.  Could be next month, could be next year.

~Don't you already have your hands full right now?
I sure do!  Full of love, silliness, and fun!  Can't wait to add to it!

We do understand there is a lot of risk in this decision.  We also know there is beauty in risk and we are completely walking by faith, as this is certainly a God-led journey.