A Father's Day Announcement

We have a little bit of news...we're adopting again!

Yes, that's right.  God has been working in us for the past several months and after much prayer and searching about how best to add another child to our family, it's been very clear to us that adoption is what God has in store for us and we are thrilled!

We have chosen to use a local, domestic agency who matches expectant mothers with adoptive families.  I could go on and on about how wonderful they are.

So far, we have been approved, gotten our profile book together, and have started the home study process.  Once our home study is complete in a few weeks, we'll be a waiting family again.  We will wait until an expectant mother chooses us and we have no idea how long that will be.  As with all adoptions there are so many unknowns and we are trusting that the right thing will happen.  It's all a rollercoaster of events and emotions so we never know what to expect but we are ready to do this thing again!

A Request

Let me start by saying how thankful I am to have the opportunity to do mission work.  Although I have felt Satan try to roadblock every step of the way, God has provided everything I have needed thus far.  My family will be taking care of my kids/husband while I'm gone, my sweet friend has done all of our travel arrangements, my church has provided funding, and so many friends and family have given donations to take.  This trip has seemed somewhat effortless so far.  I don't mean to get too comfortable, though.  Like I said in my last post, there's risk in this trip.  There always is.

I have a few prayer requests for our trip.  I will be gone March 18-27 and most of the group will be staying until about April 1.
*Safety, in air and in country-I hate flying and have anxiety issues with it
*Open hearts of those we minister to and that God shows Himself big time!
*My family-that my boys are safe and sleep well, my inlaws as they help take care of the boys, and for my sweet husband as he is Mr. Mom
*My health-that my back stays strong and none of us get sick
*My grandmother-she's not doing well and I pray I'll have the opportunity to see her again when I get home

As well as we've planned and as much as we pray, I know not everything will go exactly as planned.  A friend has recently said that when things don't go exactly as planned, it's an opportunity for God to show Himself.  That gives me much comfort in reminding myself that He's in control and His plan is better than anything I could ever dream up.  So, I must trust and obey.

Why I'm going back

When I tell people I'm going back to Ethiopia, I usually get the same response.  Big eyes and, "really...." and a strange head shake.  I can tell that, for the most part, many people don't understand why I would want to go back so soon, especially since I got sick last time.

Let's be honest here, there are plenty of reasons I shouldn't go.
*I hate flying...and East Africa is a long ways away if you haven't looked at a map lately
*My whole family is staying home
*I'm missing Spring Break with my kids
*I won't be spending my birthday with my family
*I had to get more shots...ouch! in my arm and pocketbook
*My recent back injury isn't completely better
*I'm still working on bonding/attachment with Silas at times and this could put us back
*My Mamaw has been in and out of the hospital a lot lately and we
*Hellooo!  The Hunger Games movie comes out while I'm gone!!
*I got sick last time.  Really sick.

Bottom line:  There's risk.  And by the world's standards, it's probably too risky.  I should just stay home and enjoy the comfortable life I have here.  Why jeopardize anything?

I'll tell you why.  I believe that we were put on this earth to love.  Sure, I could just love those around me in my area and believe me, I do.  But God has put a love for the African people in my heart and it's been there for a long time.  Now that I've experienced them and their culture firsthand, not to mention my sweet baby, I feel even more passionately about them.  Let me make myself clear.  I do not believe they need rich Americans to come in and take anything over, tell them what to do, or do anything for them.  I do believe that if God has so richly blessed anyone with resources, we are to help those in need with what we have.  It's about perspective and heart.  It's about love and sacrifice.

Ever heard the phrase, "I need Africa more than Africa needs me"?  Yeah, I do need Africa.  I need to be reminded that there is much joy in suffering.  I need to enjoy the simplicity of their daily life.  I need to be reminded that this world is not our home.  I need to be reminded that I must acknowledge the blessings I so often take for granted.  I also feel like I need to stay connected to my son's roots.

I'm going back, taking risks, making sacrifices, and I'm ready to love.  Love people who the world has deemed unworthy, forgotten, unlovable.  I asked God to give me an opportunity to go back and minister to some of the people I love the most, this opportunity came up, God has opened every door for this trip, and I'm going.  If I wasn't so sure He had paved the way for this trip, I might be hesitant.  But I'm not. 

More info on exactly what we'll be doing coming soon!

Priorities

In a time of social media encouraging so many of us to either put a fake face forward or feel inferior to those who post a picture of life perfection, I'll take a few minutes and get real.  No guilt.

I admit it, I don't:
*Shower every morning...sometimes I can't fit it in until nighttime
*Have a spotless, organized house
*Scrub the shower and change sheets as often as I'd like
*Make my own laundry detergent...there's not much that beats Charlie's Soap
*Plan fantastic outings for my kids
*Homeschool...or even plan to right now
*Bring home a paycheck
*Love every second of every day staying home with my kids
*Read my Bible and study like I want to
*Cloth diaper Silas like I did Cooper...don't ask!
*Shop very often or have very many cute clothes

But I do:
*Meal plan as healthy as our budget allows
*Splurge on a Target $1 bin treat now and then
*Get crafty with my kids
*Let my kids get dirty
*Try to have alone time with each kid a few times a week
*Knit/crochet/sew when I feel good
*Use a cash only, envelope system for budgeting
*Try to garden
*Limit TV time
*Discipline and teach my children to the best of my ability
*Limit processed foods and chemicals in my home
*Rest!
*Make time to have fun with friends

Looking at my 'Don't's it allows me to realize what goals I need to make for myself.  It also reminds me that some things may be important to others but aren't priorities of mine and that's okay.  I'm really okay with not doing the popular thing or something just because it's what society or a group of people believes you're 'supposed to' do.

Looking at my 'Do's it allows me to see what I value.  It's a good reminder sometimes.  I see how intentional choices I've made the past 2 years are playing out in my family and I like the way it looks.  It's the result of goal setting over time.  I'm getting comfortable in this season where God has me.  There you go...realness.

Part 2

Five months later....so typical of life lately!

The basics of the 5 day hospital stay:  They knew I was really sick, had taken 2 trips to Africa, liver function tests were up, massive headaches, lots of fever, dehydration, white count mostly normal.  The infectious disease doc went crazy ordering tests to see what I may have.  They ran tests for anything tick related, yellow fever, dengue fever, the list goes on.  They even did finger pricks and put my blood on about 10 slides to look at under the microscope.  At one point, I remember him coming in and telling me that he had no idea what was making me so sick but he knew I didn't have HIV or malaria.  Well, that was positive, right?  I don't remember how many times my blood was taken in those few days-I lost count.  They were sending some tests to the CDC in Atlanta, some across town to a big lab, and some were being read there at the hospital.  I felt like some kind of science experiement!  I ended up having an abdominal CT scan and now just thinking of the drink they gave me makes me want to gag!  The next day I had a spinal tap and totally flipped out.  I'd had one in high school once when I was so sick and it was a traumatic experience and at this point I was so exhausted and sick and just wanted to feel good and be home.  The final thing they had me do was a urine sample and the fact that it looked like blood-tinged dark beer made me really nervous about what was going on in my body.

You know what?  God is faithful.  He always has been and He always will be.  I prayed the entire time I was there that they would find answers and I would receive healing.

The verdict:
~Enlarged spleen
~Affected liver and kidneys

I found out that I had cytomegalovirus (CMV).  Apparently, most people get it as kids and are mostly asymptomatic and then become immune to it.  I'm in the 20% of adults who never was exposed to it as a kid and when you get it as an adult, it's really bad.  It's similar to mono in its symptoms but is in the chicken pox/herpes family.  They told me it would take about 2 months to recover and I needed bedrest.  I could have gotten it anywhere but it was more prevalent in the third world.

At my 2 week follow up with the infectious disease doctor, he had more news for me.  One of the tests they sent off for had come back after I left the hospital.  I tested positive for Hepatitis E.  What?  E?  Who has ever heard of that?  He told me that I didn't want to know this, but Hep E was a fecal-oral transmitted disease.  He said that I probably got it from contaminated food in Ethiopia.  Ewwww!

So I had CMV and Hep E.  Who gets those?  Apparently me!  I know of SO many friends who have gone and no one has gotten sick like this except for me.  In my weakness, Satan has had some power over me but I know who's stronger.

It has been a hard road to recovery.  Needing bedrest and having full time help with my kids for 3 days wasn't enough but we've managed.  It just meant that it took me longer to recover.  God knew that.  Luckily, I could take my time in the summer and then I didn't have to go back to teaching in the fall.  Due to all of this and past health issues of mine, I was denied by health insurance companies.  God knew this, too.  We were shown other programs offered by our state so that I could get health insurance.  It's not the best plan out there, but I'm thankful for it!  Instead of running here and there and being busy, I've been able to spend time with my boys.  I'm so very thankful my life isn't as busy as it used to be so that we can focus on our family and making memories together.

It's not easy.  Adoption isn't easy.  Illness isn't easy.  Life isn't easy.  Parenting sure isn't easy!  But God knows this and when we lean to His word and not our own understanding, He not only gets us through, but He gets the glory!  He has brought our family so far in the past year, I just can't wrap my head around it sometimes.  He's continually teaching us something and I pray that we are always listening and receptive to the lessons to be learned and guide our family by His ways always.

Referral Day!

One year ago today we looked into these big brown eyes for the first time.  My, how he's grown!

6 months home

I guess it's time to share our video.

Make a video - it's fun, easy and free!
www.onetruemedia.com

Don't forget to pause the music at the bottom of the page before playing this video.  Enjoy!

It's not easy

Nothing about life is easy.  We were never promised an easy life.  I get that.

The past year or so I've thought many times, "Wow, this stage of life is hard...maybe that means better things are to come," and then, somehow, something happens that makes me think everything's going down the crapper.  Not complaining, just reflecting and trying to figure it all out.

Parenting a child who has lived through several emotional traumas within the first year of his life along with some developmental delays has proven to be more difficult than I had imagined.  It doesn't help that I've been sick and haven't felt well the majority of the time.  I had cytomegalovirus and Hepatitis E at the same time and I believe I contracted them both from Silas.

We had been home a month and it was already time for me to go back to work.  Another huge transition in a short time for my body.  It was the last 4 1/2 weeks of school and I was determined to finish the year off right.  The first two weeks, I started to get headaches that I attributed to tiredness and transition.  The next week, I was taking Advil around the clock to keep the headaches at bay and some were even migraines.  That last week, I started having body aches that felt like fever although I didn't have fever and the fatigue was overwhelming.  I went to the doctor on that Friday because I knew something was wrong.  They ran bloodwork and told me that it was just stress and I wasn't sleeping well and that's why I was having the headaches.  Saturday afternoon I started running fever and I stayed in bed most of the weekend.  

There were only two days left of school and I hadn't let my principal know I wasn't coming back the next year, or even started packing up my classroom so I knew I had to make it to work...but there was no way.  I stayed at home that Monday and called to let the doctor's office know I had been running fever.  They looked at my labs and saw that my urine report was abnormal so they prescribed Cipro and called it a UTI (although I had no symptoms other than back pain) and I figured it was a bad kidney infection.  I made myself go to work on Tuesday, the last day of school.  I handed over my resignation letter, packed up my classroom, and told my students whom I loved, goodbye for the last time.  All the while, I was running a high fever and was almost delirious from that and the headache.  The next couple of days I needed others to take care of my kids while I stayed in bed.  My fever came and went and I called to let the doctors know the antibiotics weren't working so they called in another UTI antibiotic.  Deep down, I knew that wasn't the problem.

Thursday night, I started feeling so much worse.  I thought maybe it was mono due to the amount of fatigue I had been experiencing and the ongoing fever.  I went to the clinic at Walmart to see if they could run a quick mono test.  The nurse practitioner there ran a full set of blood work and also a mono test that came back negative.  She was extremely concerned because someone of my age, who is otherwise healthy, should not be experiencing symptoms like that.  She told me I was very dehydrated and if she could hook me up to a bag of fluids, she would do it right then!  I left there that night with no more answers than the fact that it wasn't mono.  She said she would call me the next morning when the rest of the blood work came back.

Friday morning, I get a call.  She said I need to get to a doctor very soon because my liver enzymes were elevated and the differential showed there was some type of viral infection in my body.  I was supposed to go to a walk in clinic on the other side of town right after lunch to be seen.  That doctor didn't care about my liver, she was really concerned about my kidneys!  She banged around on my back and put me in more pain than I could bare and they did another urine culture and found lots of blood.  My white count was still low (meaning no bacterial infection!!) but she prescribed high dose levaquin and told me that if I still have a fever in 24 hours, I needed to go to the ER.  On the way home, I was feeling worse and worse...although, I don't know how it could have gotten worse.  I laid down in my bed and decided within 30 minutes it was time for the ER.  On a Friday afternoon, really?  This ought to be fun.

We waited for a few hours and I can't describe the headache and body pain I was feeling.  I knew my fever was going up and I was scared.  Finally, we got back there and I was so dehydrated they had a hard time getting the IV in.  The doctors were baffled at my history of a month long headache and the run around I've had by several doctors in the past week.  There's no telling what I was exposed to during both recent Ethiopia trips so their minds are swirling trying to figure out what possibly could be wrong with me....

I'm tired of typing and I'm sure you're tired of reading.  To be continued.

How is he doing??

I get this question a lot.  We've now been home with Silas for 4 months and, I know I've said this before, but he's a completely different kid than he was when we got him.  At 9/10 months old, he was content with laying on the floor on his back and playing with our fingers.  This kept him entertained for quite some time.  He was able to crawl and pull up but he wasn't very good at it.  He had this spacey look on his face as if he was somewhat disconnected with reality.  I don't blame him!!  He had no idea what to do with an object in front of him and we had to teach him to play with toys.  He was very content about most things but once he found out we were there to meet his needs like no one ever had before, he became extremely demanding quickly!!

He's come a long way.  He crawls, cruises, and took his first three steps Friday night!  He hasn't done any more since then and I doubt he will for a while.  We'll just keep watching.  He learned to clap and grasp toys.  Then he learned to pinch and finally put food in his mouth a few days before his first birthday.  He learned how to nap in a quiet room all by himself for longer than a few minutes at a time...that was quite an accomplishment!  And exhausting for me!  He's still not great at it but at least he sleeps well at night.  He transitioned from formula and cereal (the only food he had for the first 10 months of life) into a full diet just like ours.  Now he eats everything he can get his hands on and begs for more.  It took a while, but we taught him to play with toys, rather than just the people in the room.  He needed to be able to have a curiosity about objects and figure them out on his own.  He will now go play by himself from time to time and is curious about new things and spaces and has a need to check them out.  As far as his health goes, we got word while I was in the hospital that he no longer has rickets!  So thankful!  He's also getting up to date with his shots and is about at the 50th %ile in just about every area.

He's also gotten verbal and does little 'tricks'.  He gives kisses, blows kisses, can "vrrrrroom" a car, says "bye-bye" and waves, "hiiiii!!!" with a wave, "mama", "dada", "moh!" (more), "muck" (milk), "bbbroooose" (shoes...doesn't make sense, I know), "thiiiis?", "uh-tiz-it" (what is it?), and DANCES!  He's got some moves, let me tell you!  He makes us laugh so much.

He also loves his brother.  Those boys are absolutely smitten with each other.  I have so many stories about funny things Cooper says about him but this one comes from yesterday.  We were listening to a song at lunch that had the African Children's Choir in it.  I had explained to Cooper who they were and where Uganda was.  He said to me, "I like African kids......I really like OUR African kid."  He makes me smile.

So to answer the question, Silas is doing great.

This picture is kind of funny to me.  The one on the left is of him as a baby-I have no idea how old he was.  This was stamped into his Certificate of Citizenship for the US but our last name was spelled wrong so we had to get it redone with a new passport picture (right).  I had to compare the two and it think it's so cute!  He's grown so much and gotten some much needed vitamin D/sunlight!!  Ha!  Once this gets completed, we will be able to do a legal name change, apply for his state certificate of foreign birth (instead of a birth certificate), and then redo his social security card with his new name on it.  Right now, he's Selamu Justin Taylor.  That kind of makes me laugh.

Aaaand two weeks later.....

I guess I'll get around to my little personal pep talk.

Not long after we got home and I was here at the house with the boys during the day before I went back to work, I told Justin how lazy I felt.  I was dealing with a new baby who we were all trying to learn, jet lag, a decision to quit my job that no one knew about at this point, and I just felt like I couldn't get caught up with anything and didn't really care to.  There were days when nothing around the house got done...we just survived.  And this was before I even got sick...I'll get to that post soon.  His reply to me?  "Emily, think about everything you have accomplished over the past 3 1/2-4 years and then tell me you're lazy!"  Thanks for the perspective, honey.

Over the past 3 1/2-4 years, I...
*Had Cooper
*Decided to change careers from a nutritionist to a teacher
*Started grad school
*Quit my job at the hospital
*Started working as a middle school teacher-I had no curriculum the first 1.5 years and wrote it all myself
*Had surgery and dealt with some really terrible medication therapy
*Decided to adopt and began down that road
*Waited, waited, waited...
*Graduated with my master's
*Got our referral for Silas
*Surgery again, out of state
*Traveled to ET for court
*Completed my Praxis III for my teaching license
*Traveled to ET to get Silas
*Decide to stay home with my boys
*Sick for 2 months with illnesses I likely got in ET/from Silas
*Currently working on a few ministry ideas that should be in place in the next few months...and another trip to Ethiopia!?!

Okay, so I guess I don't fall into the category of lazy.  To be honest, I've overworked myself the past few years.  Between having a small child, going to grad school, starting a new career, being on the adoption journey, and dealing with health issues all at the same time has been almost more than I could handle at times. Now, when I actually slow down and take time for myself it feels like I'm being lazy or not accomplishing anything.  But I've now realized that my sanity is important. :)  My priorities have changed some and my family is my focus.  It feels good to have gotten through the last few rough years and who knows how rough the next few may be.  If so, I know we will make it because we've been tested in several ways and have made it through beautifully.

This is my attempt to tell myself that, as I head into this new season of my life, I can do it and I can do it well. When I have a 'lazy' day with the boys here at home, it's because I'm savoring them and my time with them while they're young.  I haven't abandoned teaching and I will go back to it someday because I love it...but not more than my two sweet babies.  I've found a job that I love so much that I don't care if I don't get paid and I'm thankful for a chance to slow my life down a little.  We've been working on cutting out many things from our lives that we don't have to have.  Living more simply.  I'm ready to take on the new challenge ahead of me and be able to enjoy it all at the same time.  Something that I haven't really been able to do the past few years with so many different things going on at once.

Not sure I feel 'peppy' now, but certainly at peace.

Guess Who's Back?

MEEE!!!!  At least I think...  Ha!  Some days I wonder!

This blog has gotten neglected over the past few months and I haven't even finished up our trip to Ethiopia.  So much has happened since then!  I went back to work, got super duper sick, quit my job, Father's Day, Silas' first movie, he has a few words, we added on to our house, etc., etc., etc.  I'll get around to all of it eventually.  I think first up is a pep talk for myself.  We all need one of those to keep us going every once in a while, right?  Hopefully I can get to it later tonight or tomorrow.  I'm ready to start writing again!

Ethiopia Day 4

Saturday, April 2, 2011

One of the perks of staying at the Ethiopian Guest House is that you get a complimentary massage. Ahhhhh...  So nice!  We scheduled ours for this morning right after breakfast because we were told that we didn't have anything scheduled until the afternoon.  The translator and driver would be busy in the morning picking up the other family from the airport.  We weren't expecting to have anywhere to be until a while after lunch.  I had my massage second and as I was coming down the stairs I saw that Hermella was talking to Justin, saying we had to leave right then.  What?  We needed a serious shower after getting greased down from the massage!  Oh well.  We packed up the baby and then headed on to the House of Hope so the others could get their kids and we could take pictures for our friends.  After lunch at the House of Hope Guest Home we went back to our guest home.

He got to see his nanny friends wen we went back.

This was the day I realized there was a reason (well, more than one but...) that God does not allow women to birth 20 pound + babies.  My arms were not used to lugging him around and now that I'd done it for the third day, my arms were getting tired.  As I held him to give him a bottle on my left arm, without any support again, I pulled a muscle in my shoulder.  I figure the massage loosened it up earlier in the morning and when I used the next time, it was strained.  Ouch!  It was difficult to hold him, change clothes, shower...  What a big boy he is!

That afternoon, we went to fill out our paperwork for our Embassy appointment Monday!  It took all of a few minutes and we were off to go shopping with the other two families and their kids.  I wanted to get some scarves, jewelry, coffee, etc. as souvenirs for friends and family.

The rest of the evening was spent enjoying our sweet baby a little more before his bedtime.  We were so thankful that he was consistently sleeping from 7 pm to 6 am!!

Ethiopia Day 3

Friday, April 1, 2011

As the sun rose at 6 am, I noticed Silas was snuggling in his Pack N Play with his lovey!  I just had to get up and take a picture of it.  His eyes were closed until he heard the beep and it flashed...oops!  I don't remember if I said this or not in the last post, but Thursday night I only slept about 30 minutes.  No fun.  I changed lots of diapers, listened to the cars and trucks outside, the donkeys, the rooster, the dogs...smelled the exhaust fumes, dirt, and smoke from the cow patty stoves.  My mind ran all night long.

We got up and ready Friday morning and went to the National Museum.  The other couples who were coming to get their kids weren't scheduled to be there until that night or early the next morning so we were by ourselves with our translator.  The museum isn't exactly what most Americans would expect to see.  Because of my semester overseas during college, I was able to see all kinds of small museums and this really wasn't much different than those.  There were artifacts from the different regions of the country, pottery, weaved baskets, old farming tools, etc.  Pretty interesting to me.  I love learning about other cultures, especially how they 'used to be.'

Two strange things in this museum.  Lucy-Said to be the oldest found skeleton. They say she's a hominid (ape/human hybrid species).  A painting of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden-They were apes.  Apparently there's a theory that meshes Darwin's evolution and God's creation together.  I couldn't help but laugh.  I thought it was so strange!  Never heard of that before!

I had Silas in the Moby the whole time and he was great!  He slept some, peeked out some.  So sweet.  There were a lot of school kids there that day and we got lots of looks, if you can imagine.  There were several girls who came up to us and wanted to play with him.  :)  As we left, there were a few more groups of smaller kids outside and they were playing London Bridges and singing it in English.  Oh, how I love their little accents!  So precious...I had a hard time not staring.

We got back to the guest house, had lunch and then napped!  Oh, it was so nice to actually sleep.  We ended up declining the afternoon outing to Entoto Mountain because we were napping on and off all afternoon.  Now that I know what I missed, I kind of regret that decision.  Maybe we'll have an opportunity to go back and see it someday.  Friday was such a lazy day but we enjoyed just being there, getting over jet lag, and getting to know Silas without much hustle and bustle.  I was so thankful for coming a few days early.

Through the storms

I've been slacking on catching up with our trip because the evenings are the quiet time in our house to sit down and type it out.  This week, we've been spending our evenings watching the weather and getting in our 'safe place.'  Monday was bad.  A funnel cloud was forming over us and touched down a few miles from our house.  It did major damage to the local Air Force Base and a high school.  Another tornado had a very long track and hit a few communities.  Friends of ours had damage to their houses, but luckily no one we know had major destruction or loss of life.  However, several died in this storm and so many people lost everything.

Our 'safe place' is in the little cubby of a hallway we have.  I got blankets, Cooper collected a large stack of books in the bathroom, we got the flashlight, a candle and lighter, and our cell phones.  I got the baby, a blanket and a bottle.  Justin got Cooper's mattress to lean over us as we huddled in the hall.  The satellite went out and we then relied on our phones.  I hate the sounds of the sirens and the hail and the winds.  For some reason, Cooper thought this was fun!

Tuesday was predicted to be worse than Monday so we were gearing up for something terrible.  It ended up not being as bad, thank God.

We watched the weather most of the evening and Cooper was upset he couldn't watch any cartoons for two nights in a row...I say, waaah!  :)  He decided to make his own 'hiding spot' and got his Handy Manny tent, a blanket, some books, and played with the flashlight.  We then let him go to our bedroom to watch TV when Silas went to bed.

As the storms died down in Arkansas overnight, they revved back up as they crossed Mississippi on Wednesday.  As we got home Wednesday night we started seeing the footage of HUGE tornadoes hitting Alabama.  I can't even imagine.  Hundreds of lives lost and entire communities depleted.

Last night we were gathering things to give to a family nearby who lost their home to the tornado.  I asked Cooper to look for some toys that the middle boy might like.  At first, he cried and didn't want to let go of his toys.  We talked for awhile and I was so happy to see God work in this sweet boy.  He decided to give away a few cars, we went to his play area and found a baseball, then on to his closet where he found art supplies and tried to give away a few of his games (I figured this family didn't have room to house many toys right now!).  Then he picked out a small stack of books to donate.  By the end of the process he was so proud of himself I was too!  We took several bags of stuff to a friend who will organize it and send it on and Cooper told her, "There's a little boy and he doesn't have any toys because the storm came and bwowed aaaall his toys away.  So I gave him some of mine!"  Brought tears to this mama's eyes.

I'm thankful to have a God who softens hearts and works in us to do for others.  Through the tragedy of these storms, my sweet Cooper was given the opportunity to give.

Firefighter sunglasses from his kids meal the other day.

Chef's hat made from a fruit snack box.  Silly.

Ethiopia Day 2: GOTCHA!!

Thursday, March 31

I didn't sleep much Wednesday night.  Stinking jet lag.  Really though, I didn't care....I got to see the African sunrise and we were about to go get our baby!  We ate breakfast with our new friends at the guest house and then our driver came.  Our translator laughed at me because I was so obviously excited!

My heart started fluttering as we drove the short distance to the transition house.  We went up to the family room and it felt like forever until they brought him in.  Through the window, I saw a nanny bring him down the balcony.  My first impression was that he had grown SO much and his hair was growing back out!  I had a hissy fit when I received pictures a few weeks before and his head had been shaved.  No one called me to authorize the cutting of my child's hair!  I'm over it now...no lingering bitterness...really...

They put him in my arms and immediately he tucked his head up under my neck/chin.  He was relaxed as if he remembered me and wanted nothing more than for us to hold each other.  Beautiful.  He quickly fell asleep.

He woke up a bit later and we decided to change his clothes so we could give them back and we could be on our way.  He was wearing a 2T shirt, girls flared jeans, and a brown/white polka dot undershirt with purple flowers on it.  I kind of chuckled as I took it off of him and our translator said, "Well, what colors do boys wear in your country?"  Kind of cute.  If it fits, they wear it.  Wish life here were that simple sometimes.

We got his belongings (photo album, giraffe lovey, and blanket we left him) and went back to our guest house to get acquainted with each other.  Our first van ride was scary, just holding a baby without seatbelts, carseats, or traffic laws.  He enjoyed the ride and liked watching everything as we drove-there's LOTS to look at!

Playing on the bed is pretty much the only play space we had.  He was able to crawl but not really aware he could do it since he had been confined to his crib for the majority of his life.  It was nice to open up his world a little at a time and watch his discoveries.  This little photo album we left him was worn, dirty, had been chewed on, and scratched up...made my heart happy to know he had been seeing our faces for 6 weeks.  Made my heart even happier to realize that Silas knows his brother!!  Later in the week I showed him more pictures of Cooper and he just squealed and laughed!

(VERY intrigued by the camera!)

The rest of the day we just hung out and let him nap some.  I was christened once again as mom-of-a-boy when I was peed on during the first diaper change.  Of course, right?  We found out he likes to eat and drink his bottles!  We also found out he is ready to be a good 'ol southern boy and loves his sweet potatoes.  Unfortunately, we paid for that with nasty diapers ALL NIGHT LONG.  He slept from 7 pm to 6 am and woke at least 4 times throughout the night for diaper changes but thankfully, he went back to bed easily.  Poor baby, he moaned all night long because of his tummy ache and it just broke my heart.  I didn't sleep at all but maybe an hour and a half.  Bright side?  Yet, another beautiful African sunrise was how I started the next day.

All day we just kept looking at each other asking if this is really real.  If he's really ours.  We couldn't believe it.  He's so beautiful, so sweet, so smiley, so perfect.  God has blessed us beyond measure.  That day, all the waiting and hard work and frustration melted away.  We could begin to exhale.

Ethiopia Day 1

Wednesday, March 30

After a long trip there, we finally made it to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia at around 8 am.  We went down the stairs to the visa line and it was short!  There were only about 6 people ahead of us in line and it didn't take long at all.  Last time, we waited in line for well over an hour.  Such a relief.  Then, we went to get our luggage and exchange money.  When we got through security one more time (yeah, they scan your bags once again, after you get them from the conveyor belt at baggage claim) we found our Ethiopian Guest Home translator who took our bags out to the van.

When we got to EGH and checked in, I called our in country director to ask when we were able to come get Silas.  I figured we would get cleaned up, eat lunch, and then go get him.  Instead, I was told that we would have to wait.  Our translator had asked for that day off and so there was no one to come get us and we would have to wait until tomorrow.  Maybe 9 am.  I was angry...sitting on the bed sobbing, exhausted, disappointed.  Justin came in from showering to see me like this.  How happy was he?  Yeah, right.

If we were aware of this before, we would have made arrangements to go sightseeing or visit a ministry in town. At this point, it was too late for any of that.  I mean, our baby was only 10 minutes away and we couldn't go get him!  I wished we would have just came the next day instead.  We booked our flights almost a week before this so you can't tell me no one knew we were coming.  Whatever.

I had to just let go of my frustration and make the most of the day...napping.

We didn't even take a single picture this day.

Adjustment and Attachment are Different

It's hard.  I'm not one to sugar-coat much.  I pretty much tell it like it is.  We've been home for a little more than a week and I guess we're far enough out that I can look back on the past week and evaluate.  It's been rough at times and it's been fun at times.

I'm tired.  Between the exhaustion of the trip, reestablishing routines at home, teaching Silas how to actually nap on a schedule, going to doctor appointments for him, getting Cooper to school and back, trying to teach him about his brother and that he's really okay, putting out his fits of jealousy, and keeping up with a crawler who is into everything, my sleep is well earned.  So, for the many of you who have asked, yes, we're adjusting quite well.  I'm pretty sure Cooper was afraid of Silas for a while.  I just think he had no idea what to think about/do with him.  Every day gets better and after a week, I think they really do love each other.  It's sweet.  Learning Silas and forming routines has been hard but we're just about there.  That part gets better every day as well.  He's a good baby!  Slowly, we're settling in and I have to remind myself it's only been a week.  It's not like we've had the opportunity with Silas to have him as a newborn and sleep most of the day so that Cooper could get used to having someone else in the house.  He came to us b-u-s-y!

If you have called or sent a message this past week and it hasn't been returned, please know I'm not ignoring anyone.  I'm just trying to focus on my household.  I'll get back with you when I get a moment.  :)

While we're adjusting quickly, the attachment process may take a bit longer.  Don't get me wrong, Silas knows his mama and daddy-but there's a difference between knowing us and wanting us over others and then really having a true bond with us.  I'm thankful to have gone to Ethiopia a few days early to begin the attachment process with him.  We had almost a week with him before we got home.  We decided to cancel a few outings to just stay in with him and get to know him.  Staying in one simple room with him where he had us meeting his every need immediately helped earn his trust in us before we began our trek home.

He's been through a lot in his 10 short months-lived with mother for approx. 3 mo-moved to rural orphanage for a few days-moved to House of Hope transition home for 6 months-stayed with us at the Ethiopian Guest Home for a week-now home with us.  This is much more trauma/transition most of us experience in a lifetime. From caregiver to caregiver and new surroundings is very confusing.  Right now, our focus needs to be making him realize we are his only caregivers...not only that, but we are his family.  Coming from an orphanage, he has no concept of family.

This week we have been trying to keep things as normal as possible for Cooper, yet watching Silas for signs of being overwhelmed.  We've stayed around the house, kept visitors at an absolute minimum, and gone to church.  He hasn't shown me that he's overwhelmed, but we know we're not there yet with attachment.  If we seem more secluded than normal, this is for the benefit of our family.  We've done a lot of education through the past year that has taught us how to deal with bonding and what to look for.  Experts know children from orphanage settings are known to be very pleasing, even babies, and will form artificial attachments with adults so that their needs may be met.  We know Silas will smile at and go to just about anyone.  He's a happy baby.  So many people at church have commented on how well he's adjusted and how he just loves everyone.  To most, this seems great.  To me, this isn't a comforting sign.  He should be at the 'separation anxiety' stage and right now, he could care less if he's taken away from me when there are other smiling faces around.

While in public I like to keep him in my Moby Wrap to keep his proximity close yet comfortable.  But this also allows him to interact with others without the temptation to hold him.  Many of you may see our actions with him in the coming weeks as spoiling him, or even silly.  That's fine.  We'll continue as we planned.  Justin and I will be the ones to do the majority of holding, and we will do all of the feeding, diaper changes, comforting, and putting to sleep.  As Silas' needs are repeatedly met by us and only us his trust in us grows and the bond is strengthened.  In a way we are recreating a newborn situation.  We don't want him to look to others for comfort right now.  We want him to know he can rely on us.  We are seeing signs that we're moving in the right direction, but like I've said, we've still got a way to go.  Please pray that we continue in the right direction in loving our sweet Silas.  He's so precious to us!

As always, if you have any questions, please let us know!  We'll be happy to answer them.

I guess it's time to start writing about our trip.  I'll try to start posting a day-by-day soon.

A Warm Welcome

We've been home not quite 48 hours now and we have been received with such love!

The airport was filled with family and friends ready to meet the little guy.  

This is our first picture as a family of four.

Our Small Group made these signs for our front yard...aren't they adorable?

My students made this huge banner and it was hanging on our house when we drove up!

And we were afraid he'd hate the carseat...

We're Home!

With this beautiful mess...

In the morning we're off!

I've been so excited today, it's been difficult to focus on packing.  I'm thankful to have had this week of Spring Break with Cooper to enjoy him and get ready for the huge transition we have ahead of us.  Let's hope I get a little sleep tonight!