Who dries his tears?

Last night, about 10:20, we heard Cooper SCREAMING from his bedroom.  I ran in there expecting to comfort a bad dream but there was something different about the cry...it was seriously a scream.  Weird.  When I opened the door, my heart stopped.  He had half-way fallen out of bed!  He was face down with his head between the night stand and the little stool he uses to get up in bed, butt up, and his legs still under the covers.  I tried to lift him up and let him catch his breath.  He was holding his face as I tried to calm him so I assume he smacked his face on his night stand on the way down.  After Justin gave him some Tylenol (we were afraid he'd wake up later with a huge hedache or bruised face/black eye), I wrapped him in a blanket and we rocked.  Slowly, his body relaxed as I sang to him and he fell back asleep.

This morning he's fine.  Redness on his cheek but no bruising.  No headache--he's running around, pumped that there's SO MUCH snow outside!  Seeing him face down like that, half-way out of the bed is a vision I will never forget, though.  I was literally nauseous for a few minutes because I was so shaken up.

As we rocked, I couldn't help but think about the baby.  Who comforts him when he hurts?  Does anybody dry his tears or sing to him?  Does anybody kiss it and make it better?

Happy New Year!

We spent the first day of 2011 celebrating the first day of what?  NO more paper route!  Yes, that's right.  Justin quit his paper route.  We are finally nearing the end of our money saving and he decided it was time to be done with it.  Sleep deprivation and exhaustion have caused him to not really be here mentally for awhile...I can't imagine how hard it is to wake up in the middle of the night and do a somewhat physically demanding job, come home, and go back to work at another physically demanding job all day, only to come home to a family who needs you.  It's been a rough year and we're so thankful for it to be over, yet even more thankful to have had the opportunity of the extra job.

We bought the baby a carseat and got $80 off.  Wooo hooo!  Another great part of the day!

By the way, the nesting instinct that is SO strong in most pregnant women is also present in adoptive parents.  I've been craving to organize and prepare the baby's room but there's been junk in there and it's been frustrating me.  This evening, we got our little helper involved and cleaned out and organized the baby's room!  We got the furniture in its place, baby belongings in their general area, and all ideas for the walls drawn on paper.  I feel so much better!  We have a long way to go but at least there's a good plan now.

It's so nice to have my honey with us tonight.  I'm not saying he's not usually at home, because he is.  I'm saying that we were able to work on a household project together without him being afraid it may 'bite him in the butt' the next morning for being too tired, and then we were able to snack and watch TV together after Cooper went to bed rather than him rushing off to get to sleep so he can wake back up in a few hours.  We actually had a chance to talk and be with each other today.  Hasn't happened in a while.

Like I said, 2010 was a very difficult year for our family.  We are reminded that there is an ending to every season and we're transitioning into the next one...it feels good.  We enjoyed our day of celebrating this and we are thrilled to see what 2011 has in store for us.

He's a happy guy

A friend (Anna) of a friend (Jamie) is in Ethiopia right now picking up her little boy.  We sent a photo authorization letter to Anna before she left in case if she got a chance to take a few pictures of our little guy for us.  This afternoon, I received the sweetest email from her!  She and her husband were able to pick up their son today and she checked on Baby Coco.  Here is an excerpt of her email, minus some identifying information I can't post.

"He is SO BEAUTIFUL!  When we walked in one of the nannies was holding him, he was so alert and smiley and just so pleasant and cheerful, he was even laughing for a bit!  I wanted you to know that he is happy and looks so healthy!!!!  He's adorable!!!!!  Hope that brings a smile to your face!"

We couldn't have received any better news!

Can't help but notice someone's missing...

Merry Christmas Baby Coco!

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White Christmas

Will we have one?  Ha!  This is Arkansas...probably not.  They say there may be a slight chance this year.  I doubt it.

Watching the movie, White Chrismtas, is one thing Justin and I have to do every year.  I think we took it from my mom's house the first Christmas we were married because we didn't want to spend money renting a movie and wanted something to do.  Neither of us had ever seen it.  Well, it's been a 'must' every year since.  I love the humor, the story line, the music, the actors.....  Gotta love some Bing Crosby!

We have it playing tonight and this song really says it all.  It's been hard for me to fall asleep with so much on my mind with planning and logistics and getting things ready....oh, and it's Christmas, right?  Don't have enough to do for that!  :)  I usually fall asleep lately thinking of that sweet little face, how thankful I am for him, and for the journey that has gotten us here.  SO thankful!

When I'm worried and I can't sleep
I count my blessings instead of sheep
And I fall asleep counting my blessings
When my bankroll is getting small
I think of when I had none at all
And I fall asleep counting my blessings

I think about a nursery and I picture curly heads
And one by one I count them as they slumber in their beds
If you're worried and you can't sleep
Just count your blessings instead of sheep
And you'll fall asleep counting your blessings

I got my Christmas wish

As a CHI family, we are a part of a Yahoo group and are able to discuss a wide range of topics with other families who are also using the same agency and adopting from Ethiopia.  Several weeks ago, a sweet lady offered to take pictures of others' children when she and her husband went to ET for their court trip.  I quickly took her up on her offer and sent my authorization letter.

Well, yesterday morning I opened my email to see an inbox full of the most beautiful pictures of Baby Coco!  He's growing!  It made my day and Cooper is so proud of the pictures.  We printed them and took them to church last night for all to see.

It gets even better though!  Today, when we got back from running errands, I checked my email to see a sweet video of him!  He didn't really make any sounds but those expressions and the light in his eyes were fabulous.  I keep watching it over and over and not getting the Christmas stuff done that I need to!

As soon as we get back from our court trip in February, I'll be sure to post pictures of him.

Best Christmas present ever!

Court Date

We finally have a court date!  It's February 15th!

Since there have been so many questions that I haven't been able to answer over the past month, I'll try to put out as much information as I'm allowed at the moment.

Baby info:  Because the Ethiopian government does not recognize him as our child until after court, we aren't allowed to send his picture electronically in any form or put out any type of identifying information.  I can say he's now 6 months old and he has minor special needs but nothing other than that.  Oh, and I think he's absolutely beautiful!  In person, I can tell you all about him, though...except for his personal history which will be his story to tell someday.  As soon as we pass court in February we will have all legal rights to him and will share his picture here!

Tentative plans:  Our court trip is the first one and we have to appear in the Ethiopian court to gain legal custody of him.  We plan on leaving the weekend of February 11, arrive in ET on Sunday the 13th, meet him on Valentine's Day!!! and then go to court on Tuesday the 15th.  We will probably leave that evening and travel all day Wednesday to get back home.  It's a short trip and the jetlag will definitely be a beast when we go back to work on Thursday but SO worth it.

We get to meet our little guy on Valentine's Day...the day of love.

After we get home, we will await an Embassy date.  We will have to do a Visa interview at the Embassy about a month after court (so sometime in March) and by then his visa papers will be filed and his passport will be ready.  Hopefully, we will be able to have a meeting with the birthfamily at this time and tour the country some, etc.  I think the second trip will be so much fun!

Also, there is a family from our agency who is leaving tomorrow to get their little one and they have offered to take more pictures of him!  When they get back home, they will email us pictures and I will have them printed and with me so if you see me anytime after Christmas, I'll have updated pictures!  The two we have right now are outdated, as babies change so quickly.  I can't wait to see how he's growing!

I've been so behind on this blog...I started an 'October' post ummmm back in October?  Yeah, it's not even finished yet.  I think I may catch up by doing a quick photo update on the past few months soon.  I have updates on where we stand with money, etc. but tonight, court is the most important information so that's what got posted.

**Please pray for our baby's little body...pray he grows big and strong.  I will be able to disclose more information about this after court.  He's already gained 4# in the past 6 weeks!  We're so proud of him.

**Please pray for Cooper to be accepting and understanding of the family transition that will be taking place very soon.

**Please pray for birthmom...that she finds comfort.  We pray that she is willing to meet us when that time comes and have an open conversation.  We don't want her to be intimidated, or ashamed.

The Big Brother

One of the common questions I've gotten today is what Cooper thinks about it all.

In the car on the way home from church tonight, I hear, "There's poopoo in that baby's diaper right now!  Shoowee!"  I looked in the back seat and he is holding the picture of Baby Coco and talking to it.
Me:  Did you know that baby gets to come live with us soon?  We get to hold him, and love him, and kiss him and rock him.
C:  Yeah...and swords,  and soldiers...and teach him to run with Toby!  I'm gonna teach him all the stuff!

So far, I'm guessing he has a pretty healthy outlook on it.  One minute he doesn't want anything to do with the thought, the next minute he's jumping with joy.  That's probably the best we can expect from a 3-year-old who really can't comprehend what's going on.  Pretty sweet.

Something Beautiful

I can't believe it!  We got our referral call today for a 5 month old baby BOY!  And he's certainly the something beautiful we have been praying and waiting for.  He's absolutely gorgeous!

I'll have more to say about it when I have a chance to clear my head...for tonight, I think I'll just hang out on Cloud 9.

The dreaded subject...

...of fund raising.

I hate it.  But I love it.

I've said before that here isn't the place to discuss our family's finances...just a fund raiser announcement from time to time.  I will not beg for money from friends and family.  I have a real hard time soliciting my family in that way.  However, because one of my objectives of this blog is to help clear up some misunderstandings of adoption, I feel that this topic needs to be discussed at least once.

It's no secret; adoption isn't cheap.  Whether domestic or international, there's no way around it.  It's just expensive.  In our preliminary adoption research, we found that both routes of adoption are very comparable in cost depending on agency, country, etc.  Adoption through the foster care system is different and, while we would love to look into fostering some day, we don't feel like our young family is ready for that yet.

There are agency fees, homestudy fees, documentation fees, processing fees, courier fees, passports, travel costs, etc., etc., etc.  Because the Ethiopian government passed a new law a few months ago stating both adoptive parents have to make an extra trip to attend the court hearing, this has doubled our travel costs and added an extra $4-5,000 to our original total we were expecting.

Wouldn't it be nice if we lived in a world where adoption costs were covered under health insurance just like maternity/prenatal care is?  I figure they may cost about the same with all the monthly, bi-weekly, and weekly visits, the ultrasounds, the blood draws, the labor and delivery costs, etc.  Sometimes I feel like pulling the 'discrimination card' because it just isn't fair.  I feel like we're being penalized because of the way we have chosen to grow our family.  As if it is a bad thing. 

I start to second guess myself and the decision we have made for our family.  I think of how selfish it is to raise money and ask people for money to support this decision when it was us who made the decision and it's our responsibility...I mean, we don't all have fund raisers to help pay for our mortgage and car payments, right?  Then, I realize it wasn't 100% our decision.  It was God's.  We prayed and asked how to best grow our family and how to go about it.  This was the answer...loud and clear.  If this is truly God's will, how can I second guess that?  How can I doubt?  How can I not get others involved?  How can I not give others an opportunity to be involved in such a lifechanging event for our family?  Who knows, maybe someone else may be inspired to adopt after learning about our journey.  I begin to feel good about it all again but.......

RANT WARNING:::  Unfortunately I don't work for an adoption friendly employer.  We do not get paid maternity leave which is strange for a workforce of mostly women.  We just take our sick days and then use FMLA for the rest and don't get paid.  Most people I know at work lately have been able to take maternity leave using their short term disability policy.  I pay into this every pay period, yet I'm unable to claim it for adoption because I will not have been under a doctor's care.  This is what is totally overwhelming for me:  I have very few precious sick days, after those are gone, I will be docked my per diem rate of pay (higher daily rate of contract pay because I get my pay spread over 12 months rather than 9) which means I'll owe the district money, I will have to pay in my health insurance to the district, and I will have to pay my substitute teacher for every day she's there once my sick days are gone.  I'm seeing red negative signs! 

I figured all of this out right after we found out we had to make two trips and it has stressed me out so much.  It stressed me out until I finally gave it to God.  I recognized the financial mountain in front of us and asked God to simply move that mountain.  He can do it, can't He?  Why don't I believe that?  Why don't I have confidence in that?  Lately I've had more peace about it.

God has afforded our family many opportunities to make and save extra money.  Justin gets up every morning without fail to throw papers.  This extra job with middle-of-the-night hours is exhausting for him but we know this is a wonderful opportunity.  We are able to save part of my paycheck.  We aren't big spenders by nature, but we have found ways to be even more frugal.  The few small fund raisers we have done so far have been successful and we are planning several more very soon.

If you have contributed a Bottle Bank to us...THANK YOU!!!  We now have saved well over $1,300 just in your spare change!  If you want one, please let me know.  I just think it's amazing how God really is providing for us in the 'extras' of life.  Extra job, extra part of my check, extra spare change.  Pretty cool.

Right now, we are sitting at just a little more than 50% of our goal.  Along with what we are able to save, we hope that a few of these fund raisers will really make the difference and get us to our goal.  God is moving this mountain.  We are just $2,000 away from our next installment which is due upon receiving our referral.  I'm praying we have that much more in the bank before our call comes!  After that, it's all travel fees.

Here are some fund raising efforts that we are working on.  Some are ongoing while some are upcoming.  If you want information about any of them, please let me know.  Like I said, I will not openly solicit my family.  I don't feel right about it.

Bottle Banks:  Baby bottles to collect your spare change-HUGE success so far!

Piece By Piece:  We're putting together a puzzle for our baby's room.  Each puzzle piece can be sponsored by friends/family for $10 each, the sponsor's name written on the back of the piece, and it will be a very special keepsake for our child to be able to look at one day and see how many people contributed to them being here, as a part of our family.  We are in the process of sending out flyers with more information about this.

Garage Sales:  We had a huge sale in April with many donated items and were able to raise $900.  The next one will be Nov. 5 & 6.  There will be a bake sale with a lemonade/hot chocolate/coffee stand too!  If you have items to donate, please let us know.  If not, come by and take a gander!  We're hoping this one is even more profitable than the last.

Pictures:  My sister, Amy Kelton, is a photographer and will be doing another photo shoot to benefit us.  This time it will be Santa Pictures!  Order a package of pictures and even put the pics into Christmas cards and get all of the ordering done at once.  Lots more information to come!

On another adoption blog I once read, "God doesn't necessarily call the equipped; he equips the ones He calls."  I agree and I'm praying for more opportunities for Him to show us His providence.

Yay for referrals!

It's been a good week!  There were 5 referrals this week so we're now #20!  I can't imagine how excited those families are.

Five Months Waiting

I got an unexpected email yesterday from Ashley, our adoption consuntant from CHI.  She was just checking to see how the wait was going for us and said we were currently sitting at #25 on the overall waiting list!  WOW!  That's two spots ahead of where I thought we were.  Think we'll have a referral before Christmas?

Family

"They came to realize that family need not be defined merely as those with whom they share blood, but as those whom they would give their blood." -Dickens


"I'd rather regret the things I did, rather than the things I have not done." -Lucille Ball

"For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat,

I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink,

I was a stranger and you invited me in, .....

The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth,

whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."

Matthew 25:35,40

"And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me."

Matthew 18:5

"I asked God, 'How much time to I have before I die?'

He replied, 'Enough to make a difference...'" -Unknown

"We may affirm absolutely that nothing great in the world has been accomplished without passion." -G.W.F. Hegel

You may not know this but we have kind of inherited a new 'family member' recently.  Nothing legally binding, but he will forever be a part of our family by heart. 

His name is Eric and he's a beautiful young man. 

Out of respect for him and his family, I will not share his business but I can say that Eric has had a rough life.  We have watched him over the past few years as he has come to church on Wednesday nights mostly on his own.  You see, we knew his mother was very sick with cancer and had been for some time.  For a while, he was in Justin's class for teen boys and that's how they got to know each other.  We were always impressed at his politeness, maturity, and the willpower it took to come to church under his circumstances.  Who knows, he may have just come to church to play basketball after class....whatever the reason, we knew deep down that there was something special about this kid.

On May 21, 2010, Eric's mom went to be with Jesus.  Justin attended the funeral and couldn't stop thinking about Eric and what would be next for him.  He wasn't sure if he was going to move away or find somewhere to live here, etc.  I asked if he could come live with us.  (Crazy idea #274, right?)  It looked like it would be a reality and we were so excited!  For whatever reason, it wasn't to be.  However, Eric would still be in town so I was okay with that.

Over the next several months he really became part of the family.  We got him in touch with coaches and got him back on the high school basketball team, he went to summer school, we took him shopping for school clothes, we ate dinner together most nights, played in the back yard with Cooper, and watched movies.  He stayed with us many a night.  I always slept better when he was at our house.  I didn't worry.

Today, Eric moved to another state to live with his birthmother and uncle.  I have cried many, many selfish tears over the past few weeks...even now.  I was angry and hurt and incredibly sad in the days after he first told us he had to leave.  Looking at it now, I realize that, although I cannot understand it now, it's all part of God's perfect plan for not only Eric, but both of our families.  If I fight that, I'm fighting God's will.  I'm still selfishly frustrated that he had to leave everything that he finally had going for him posititvely here, but I have to remind myself that I'm not in control.  Apparently God has bigger and better plans for Eric and if that's the case, I can't wait to find out what it is!

Having Eric as a part of our family has taught us more about acceptance and tolerance.  Cooper has gained a big brother who jokes and tickles relentlessly, yet in a way has prepared him for his new brother- or sister-to-be.  Race has never been an issue in our household but it certainly isn't now.  Cooper has been taught to love regardless of the color of someone's skin and we have all been reminded that God's love is bigger than any so-called 'culture barrier.'

He calls us his "God Family" and I couldn't think of a better term.  God sent him to us to be a part of our family and nothing will ever take that away from us. 

Today, I'm thankful for family...whoever that may include.

Hmmmm......

I just looked over at the "About Me" section of the blog and realized that at the time of starting this blog, I had great intentions of going down this long and winding road with yummy coffee, good books, and lots of yarn.  Well, with school and work and all, I never got around to mcuh of that stuff...until hopefully now.  Since it's getting cooler finally, I'll get the coffee pot going more often.  I'm devouring the Hunger Games series and these blankets for Baby Coco are gathering dust in the corner beside me.  I've really got to get back on track!

There were 3 referrals this week so now we're #27.

I got backed up on counting change from the Bottle Bank fundraiser and counted out $381.40 in change today!  I think we're about halfway to our fundraising goal.  We save everything we can and put it towards the adoption and the few fundraisers we've had have really helped.  I'm just starting to get nervous about whether we'll have it all by the time we get our referral.  We are confident that God will provide but it's human nature that doubts and worries.

Godspeed, little (wo)man.

Cooper's 3rd Birthday

I can't believe he's...

Our cake lady was booked up this weekend so I tried out cake decorating.  Cooper LOVED it but I think I'll make cake plans earlier next year to get on her list! 

Can you tell he's excited? 

Ready to collect goodies from the pinata. 

Pin the Tail on Bullseye 

Bullseye Races:  Relay races on hobby horses! 

Present time! 

That evening, he had so much fun playing with all of his new toys. 

He even made my mom play Play-Doh Ice Cream Shop with him while I cleaned up toys and party 'stuff'. 

Happy Birthday Cooper! 

Four Months Waiting and a Three-Year-Old!

Baskin Robbins is the sensible choice for the number 31 on Cooper's birthday, right?  Yes, we've waited patiently for 4 months so far.  Yes, it's true we're not always so patient.  Yes, when I say 'we' I mean 'me'.  Yes, we've been in the thirties for what seems like for-ev-er!  Things started to pick back up this month and the clinic received their DNA test kits and were able to start processing more kiddos and get them referred to families.  Maybe it will really pick up once rainy season is over...which is soon!

I haven't been in the mood to write lately.  I have felt really disconnected with the whole adoption process.  I know we need to be doing fund raising but I just can't bring myself to solicit my family.  I just don't even want to think about it.  I know we need to be preparing for this baby that will someday be a part of our family but for now, all we've done is get Coop's big boy room ready (oh so fun!!) and pile baby stuff in the soon-to-be nursery.  There are so many thoughts in my head that I've been wanting to write on here and let everyone know what's going through this head of mine but I just can't focus enough to get them in writing.  After working my tail off to get my graduation complete this summer and school starting this past month, my brain feels fried and my body is certainly worn out.  Maybe I'll find the inspiration to write soon but for now, sorry.  It's just not coming.  Believe me, there's more in this head of mine than you can imagine!  :)

Today is Cooper's third birthday!!  He is SO much fun and has changed a lot lately.  I find myself thinking, "OH how I love this kid!," often throughout the day.  He is so incredibly lovable.  You may remember that he's obsessed with Toy Story....well, he had to have a Toy Story birthday party on Saturday.  I'll give it a post of its own within the next few days but until then, here's a teaser!

Three Months Waiting...Bittersweet

No news...none.  At least for the adoption.  Yesterday marked three months of waiting for us and we did not move a single spot on the waiting list.  There were no referrals of families ahead of us.  Although, I believe a precious little girl from the waiting children list was placed with a brand new adoptive family.  I know it's rainy season in Ethiopia and the courts have shut down for two months but referrals are still supposed to come in...so why aren't they??  Well, someone inquired about this on our CHI listserv yesterday and was told that the medical clinic (where the children are brought initially, before they go to an orphanage to be referred to families) was out of HIV test kits and were waiting on more but should receive more this week.  It sounded like there were children waiting to be tested and then sent on to orphanages or transition homes so maybe this rainy season will produce a 'flood' of referrals for so many anxious families.  Please keep this situation in your prayers!

It was so hard to go an entire month without moving up on the list when we had started out our wait moving very quickly.  

You said bittersweet...where's the 'sweetness'? 

Although yesterday was a difficult day in the adoption part of my life, it was also a very joyous day...I have my Master's Degree!!!  Should have happened last December but whatever...at least it's over now.  I haven't even taken a class since the Spring semester and have worked all summer trying to get the correct graduation requirements fulfilled.  SO FRUSTRATING!!  It's over and I just can't believe it!  I wasn't expecting this level of relief-incredible.  I just don't know what I'm going to do with my time.  Wait....yes I do.  I have to get Cooper into a big boy room and move all of his furniture to Baby Coco's room, paint his/her room, start planning bedding, work on major fundraisers such as Piece By Piece, a HUGE garage sale, photography, maybe a benefit dinner, plan Cooper's 3rd birthday party, make a Halloween costume, watch Toy Story for the millionth time........  Oh, and school (work) starts next week too.  I'm thankful that God has lifted this burden and helped me complete this accomplishment of grad school at the perfect time.

I have to continually remind myself that it is difficult to understand God's perfect timing when looking forward to the future.  He is in control and will provide.  When reflecting on the past, it is very clear to see his plan and how he works everything more amazingly than I could ever imagine.

Blog ADD

Ok, so I've had a little blog ADD lately.  I'm having a hard time getting a good format that I like and I keep changing my mind on what I want.  Someday, maybe I'll get comfortable with this space.  Bear with me until then!

Summer Vacation

I'm not one to enjoy being away from my child.  Most places we go, we take him with us.

Justin and I haven't had a vacation since our honeymoon 5 years ago.  Sure, we've taken a weekend to Dallas or Branson every once in a while but I would hardly consider those outings "vacations" and most of the time we have had Cooper with us.

A few weeks ago, we were able to spend an entire week in Destin, FL with some wonderful friends and it was amazing!  The cost was split among all 6 couples who went so it made it very economical...good thing, because I would have felt guilty otherwise since we're trying to save every penny possible for the adoption.  I did feel guilty about a few things though...while we were there I kept thinking about how much fun Cooper would have making a sand castle or digging up sea shells.  I could just see him making funny faces when the yucky salt water got in his mouth.  I'd never been away from him for a week but I think I only cried once for a short moment.  Not bad, huh?

What I didn't feel guilty about was having fun with friends, my honey, reading, knitting, cooking, shopping...just relaxing for the first time in a few years.  I didn't realize how much a career change, new baby/toddler and grad school had brought me down the past 3 years.  Wow.  Three years.

I know we won't ever have a vacation like that again.  It's okay with me.  This will hold me over for a long time.  It's exactly what we needed.  With the change about to occur with our family I know vacation may not even be possible for another five years...who knows.  

Oh, and I don't think Cooper didn't miss us near as much as we missed him!

The sandcastle we made in Cooper's honor...it kinda turned out to be an entire village!

My honey and me on the beach

Cooper...see the smiley face?

 

My Lindsey D and me

Just watch and think

(Scroll to the bottom of the page to pause the music before playing this.)