Adjustment and Attachment are Different

It's hard.  I'm not one to sugar-coat much.  I pretty much tell it like it is.  We've been home for a little more than a week and I guess we're far enough out that I can look back on the past week and evaluate.  It's been rough at times and it's been fun at times.

I'm tired.  Between the exhaustion of the trip, reestablishing routines at home, teaching Silas how to actually nap on a schedule, going to doctor appointments for him, getting Cooper to school and back, trying to teach him about his brother and that he's really okay, putting out his fits of jealousy, and keeping up with a crawler who is into everything, my sleep is well earned.  So, for the many of you who have asked, yes, we're adjusting quite well.  I'm pretty sure Cooper was afraid of Silas for a while.  I just think he had no idea what to think about/do with him.  Every day gets better and after a week, I think they really do love each other.  It's sweet.  Learning Silas and forming routines has been hard but we're just about there.  That part gets better every day as well.  He's a good baby!  Slowly, we're settling in and I have to remind myself it's only been a week.  It's not like we've had the opportunity with Silas to have him as a newborn and sleep most of the day so that Cooper could get used to having someone else in the house.  He came to us b-u-s-y!

If you have called or sent a message this past week and it hasn't been returned, please know I'm not ignoring anyone.  I'm just trying to focus on my household.  I'll get back with you when I get a moment.  :)

While we're adjusting quickly, the attachment process may take a bit longer.  Don't get me wrong, Silas knows his mama and daddy-but there's a difference between knowing us and wanting us over others and then really having a true bond with us.  I'm thankful to have gone to Ethiopia a few days early to begin the attachment process with him.  We had almost a week with him before we got home.  We decided to cancel a few outings to just stay in with him and get to know him.  Staying in one simple room with him where he had us meeting his every need immediately helped earn his trust in us before we began our trek home.

He's been through a lot in his 10 short months-lived with mother for approx. 3 mo-moved to rural orphanage for a few days-moved to House of Hope transition home for 6 months-stayed with us at the Ethiopian Guest Home for a week-now home with us.  This is much more trauma/transition most of us experience in a lifetime. From caregiver to caregiver and new surroundings is very confusing.  Right now, our focus needs to be making him realize we are his only caregivers...not only that, but we are his family.  Coming from an orphanage, he has no concept of family.

This week we have been trying to keep things as normal as possible for Cooper, yet watching Silas for signs of being overwhelmed.  We've stayed around the house, kept visitors at an absolute minimum, and gone to church.  He hasn't shown me that he's overwhelmed, but we know we're not there yet with attachment.  If we seem more secluded than normal, this is for the benefit of our family.  We've done a lot of education through the past year that has taught us how to deal with bonding and what to look for.  Experts know children from orphanage settings are known to be very pleasing, even babies, and will form artificial attachments with adults so that their needs may be met.  We know Silas will smile at and go to just about anyone.  He's a happy baby.  So many people at church have commented on how well he's adjusted and how he just loves everyone.  To most, this seems great.  To me, this isn't a comforting sign.  He should be at the 'separation anxiety' stage and right now, he could care less if he's taken away from me when there are other smiling faces around.

While in public I like to keep him in my Moby Wrap to keep his proximity close yet comfortable.  But this also allows him to interact with others without the temptation to hold him.  Many of you may see our actions with him in the coming weeks as spoiling him, or even silly.  That's fine.  We'll continue as we planned.  Justin and I will be the ones to do the majority of holding, and we will do all of the feeding, diaper changes, comforting, and putting to sleep.  As Silas' needs are repeatedly met by us and only us his trust in us grows and the bond is strengthened.  In a way we are recreating a newborn situation.  We don't want him to look to others for comfort right now.  We want him to know he can rely on us.  We are seeing signs that we're moving in the right direction, but like I've said, we've still got a way to go.  Please pray that we continue in the right direction in loving our sweet Silas.  He's so precious to us!

As always, if you have any questions, please let us know!  We'll be happy to answer them.

I guess it's time to start writing about our trip.  I'll try to start posting a day-by-day soon.

A Warm Welcome

We've been home not quite 48 hours now and we have been received with such love!

The airport was filled with family and friends ready to meet the little guy.  

This is our first picture as a family of four.

Our Small Group made these signs for our front yard...aren't they adorable?

My students made this huge banner and it was hanging on our house when we drove up!

And we were afraid he'd hate the carseat...

We're Home!

With this beautiful mess...

In the morning we're off!

I've been so excited today, it's been difficult to focus on packing.  I'm thankful to have had this week of Spring Break with Cooper to enjoy him and get ready for the huge transition we have ahead of us.  Let's hope I get a little sleep tonight!

Special Needs

As I've mentioned in previous posts, Silas' adoption is considered a 'special needs' case because he has rickets.  Rickets it almost unheard of in the US and considered and old disease because Americans just don't get it anymore.  It's the result of a vitamin D deficiency, which softens the bones.  We have no idea what to expect as far as treatment goes when he comes home because we're not exactly sure of the severity of it.  I know that it's more pronounced than what we had expected before we met him last month.

What we know about rickets: (just the basics-don't want to bore anyone!)
*It's a vitamin D deficiency
*Prevents mineralization of bones, teeth, etc.
*Causes bowing of long bones (leg braces or reconstructive surgery is sometimes needed)
*Children often learn to walk late
*Often causes short statured adults
*Causes easily broken bones and cavities
*Causes bone and joint pain
*If treated while the child is still growing, it can be totally corrected!

How it's presenting in Silas so far:
*Considerably shorter legs for his size/age
*Slightly bowed leg bones
*Rachitic rosaries (boney nodules where his ribs meet his sternum)
*Hyperextended knees
*Blood chemistry is a little off

How it's being treated now:
*Vitamin D syrup

We're anticipating x-rays, etc. once we're home with him.  I really want to know what the doctor suggests or whether she things we need an orthopedic referral.  Good thing summer is coming because we'll get him lots of sunlight so his little body will start making its own vitamin D (he stays inside all day now).  Also, he's almost 10 months old and never had any fruits/vegetables.  I'm betting getting good nutrition alone will help his status quickly.  I figure he was malnourished at birth, born to a malnourished mother who had a difficult time feeding herself, let alone a newborn.  I fault her none.  It just gives us an opportunity to give him an extra measure of love an care!

Special needs adoption isn't exactly what you may have always thought it was.  His is just a nutritional deficiency that will hopefully be corrected.  Other special needs children in Ethiopia have anything from clef palate or club foot, which is treated with surgery, to malaria, which is treated with medicine and is gone, to HIV/AIDS which requires long term medication therapy but is now a manageable disease due to medical advancements.

I think all children who are in need of adoption have a special need....the need for a loving family!

The To Do list continues

We started out our last Saturday together eating a yummy breakfast at Community Bakery and getting treats for my 'sandwich picnic on the doggie blanket', as Cooper says, for my birthday yesterday.

We're packing and packing and cleaning and organizing...  There were so many things that were so pointless to do before it was time to get ready.  I want clean clothes and a clean house when we come home.  Laundry, packing, house cleaning, and recharging batteries are all things that must be done at the last minute.  In the last two hours, most of that has gotten done.  Feels good...just wish I could have slept last night so I'd have energy to get it all finished.  Oh well.  I'm hoping to check everything off the list so we can relax and go to church tomorrow and only have to pack last minute things.

Four days and he's ours!

God knows what He's doing

Was there any doubt?  Well, okay.  At times, yes.  :)

Before our court trip we had 3 snow days to enjoy Cooper before we left for several days.  Now, it's Spring Break and I'm eating up every second I can with my sweet boy before we become a family of 4.  We'll be gone almost 2 weeks this time but since he'll be with family the entire time, we're not worried about him.  Especially since he knows exactly why we're leaving and he can't wait for baby brother to be here.  It's nice to give him some last undivided attention that he may not get from us for at least a little while once we're home.

Another way I know God is totally at work is my friend, Jenny.  She lives about 45 minutes from us and has 3 kids already and adopting sweet little Joleigh, who lives at the HOH with Silas.  We've connected lately, taken pictures of each others' kids when traveling for court, asked each other a million questions...  She's about 2 weeks behind us in this process and hopefully she'll be going to get Joleigh soon.  Yesterday, we 'met' for the first time in person!  I know, most people have met their friends, but this is the 21st century, right?  Ha!  Well, we got together to let our kids play and we had a chance to really talk.  It was such a blessing.  I hope our kids are always friends and our babies will have a special bond that they won't share with anyone else.  (We've already set up an arranged marriage!)  I can't wait to love on that sweet girl next week.

Speaking of next week, I talked to Ashley today and our Embassy appointment is Monday, April 4.  Since we're approved and cleared to travel, as soon as we get there we can take custody of him.  That means I'm leaving as soon as possible!  We leave Monday, get him Wednesday, have the appointment the next Monday and will be home later in the week.  We can't pick up his printed visa until Wednesday.  If you're planning on breaking into my house, don't think about it!  We have way too many people keeping an eye on it for us and feeding the dog, etc.  :)

Prayer requests:
*Pray that Cooper does well while we're away
*Pray that he's accepting of Silas and us when we return
*Pray that the birthparent meeting happens and we are able to convey our family well and she accepts us as her son's parents
*Pray for safe travels
*Pray we are able to make lasting connections in Ethiopia

Now to tackle the To Do list.....

I'm coming home, I'm coming home...

...says Silas!!

I’m coming home

I’m coming home

Tell the world I’m coming home

Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday

I know my kingdom awaits and they’ve forgiven my mistakes

I’m coming home, I’m coming home

Tell the world that I’m coming

Today we got Embassy approval to travel.  Tomorrow we find out the date of our Embassy appointment to get his travel visa.  Hopefully we'll fly out early next week!  I can't wait to hold him again!!

Wait

It took me a few times reading this through to really let it sink in.  We got our referral over 4 months ago...we've spent almost half of his little life watching him grow up through pictures graciously sent by other parents.  I thought we would have been home a long time ago and, while I don't understand the wait, I know there must be a reason for it.

Wait

by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for tee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

Pure joy? Really?

James 1:2-6
"Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.
If you need wisdom, ask your generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind."


There are a lot of things that I could be upset about right now...we should have our boy at home with us by now, the unknown medical issues we know we'll face once he's home, the state of Ethiopian adoption right now (I haven't had the heart to actually process this and write about it yet), I could go on...


Frankly, these things are more upsetting to us than you would ever know.  It's hard to put on a happy face and answer the questions about when we're going back to get him, having to honestly say that we don't know when we'll see him again.  It's torture having your child on the other side of the world and having no control over it....and well, I like to at least feel like I have some control over the situations I'm in.  I want him here to snuggle and love on.  I need to get him to the doctor because he has rickets and it's much more involved than we had expected before we met him.  We need to begin treatment and figure out what our future looks like and hopefully correct his issues (more on this later as well).  I don't necessarily find joy in any of these things.


What I do find joy in, though, is knowing that I don't know God's plan.  I know that what he has planned for us is more amazing than anything we could have ever wished or dreamed of.  I find comfort and joy in that...ha, tidings of comfort and joy.  I sound like a Christmas song.  And yes, I find joy in those too!  I just cracked myself up.  :)

We had fun with the bubble machine this evening.  

Oh, what am I going to do with one more boy in the house??

When you love someone

When you love someone, you'll do anything
You'll do all the crazy things that you can't explain
You'll shoot the moon, put out the sun
When you love someone

You'll deny the truth, believe a lie
There'll be times that you'll believe you can really fly
But your lonely nights, have just begun
When you love someone

When you love someone, you'll feel it deep inside
And nothin else can ever change your mind
When you want someone, when you need someone
When you need someone...

When you love someone, you'll sacrifice
You'd give it everything you got and you won't think twice
You'd risk it all, no matter what may come
When you love someone
You'll shoot the moon, put out the sun
When you love someone


-Bryan Adams

Nesting

His suitcase is packed.  Cabinets and closets are getting cleaned out and organized to put new baby things in them.  New toys are coming out of packages and put together.  A few more minor projects and we're ready to go!

I really want to be getting a call this week.  We met our sweetness 5 weeks ago and passed court 3 weeks ago.  It's been way too long since we've seen him.  Thankfully, there are other CHI mamas there who are going to take more pictures for us.  Even though I know we're close to being with him forever, I want to get every little glimpse of him I can.

Think he'll remember us when we ever get back there again?

He actually DID something...besides throw papers

Just kidding.  :)

Up until now, I've taken care of all of the paperwork for the adoption and let me tell you, there's a TON of it!  It's been incredibly stressful but obviously worth it.  Since I've taken care of it all, Justin hasn't really had a hand in the 'process' and list making side of things.  He's been more of the do-er type, helping with the baby's room, throwing papers to bring in more money, etc.  Since we received our adoption decree on Monday he's been trying to figure out how to get Silas added to his health insurance.  Tonight he completed all of the paperwork and it's in the mail tomorrow!!  He's so proud of himself so I thought I'd give him a shout out!

Small, Medium, Large...Suitcases! The packing has begun!

The baby's suitcase is packed!  That's a huge accomplishment...thinking of every little thing that may be needed during the week we're with him in Ethiopia before we come home-and there's no Walmart to pick anything up that we forget.  I had to upgrade his suitcase from small to medium and it's packed full!

Justin and I are going to try to get everything we need in our large suitcase for the two of us.  We did it last time in the medium one.  I think we can fit a few more days worth of clothes in the one just bigger.

Our smallest suitcase is being reserved for more donations...this is what the large one was for last trip!  It was amazing!  I'd like to have bag space to bring home souvenirs so on the way there, it will be used for donations for the House of Hope, where Silas and so many other children are living right now.  A family who just returned from their court trip received this list of supplies that are needed:
*Diaper rash ointment
*Anti-fungal cream
*Zinc oxide ointment
*Multi-vitamins for babies (Poly-Vi-Sol)
*Cloth diapers
*Baby lotion (0-2 years)

If you'd like to help out with any of these it would be greatly appreciated.  I know we'll be going to the drug store to get some for sure.  When we took the huge suitcase full of donations last time they hugged us so big and were so proud of what we'd brought them!  Almaz, the director's wife, told Justin, "Your baby's friends may need some of this stuff!!"  She was so sweet and so appreciative.  Makes me want to use any extra few dollars we have to bring back more things they need.

I miss him

Four weeks ago today, we met him.  This is the first picture I took of him.  At that time I just knew we'd be home with him by now.  We're not and we still don't know when we'll get to see him again.  I'm praying for a phone call to come any day.

As we wait

We're waiting on one last important phone call.  A call that will let us know we're ready to travel again, for the last time, to get our little guy and attend our appointment with the US Embassy to get his Visa.

I've had a ton of questions lately about this so I'll try to lay it out as clearly as possible, remembering all the while that we're dealing with the government of a third world country.

Feb. 14:  Attend court in ET.  There was missing paperwork and his birth mother wasn't there because of a holiday mix-up.  She went on the 16th.

Feb. 28:  Passed court!  Now the 3-6 week wait begins.  (Should have begun 2 weeks ago when we were there.  This was heartbreaking because we're wanting to have him in our arms SO bad!)

We're waiting on him to get his birth certificate, his Ethiopian passport, go for his Visa medical exam, and then our paperwork is submitted to the US Embassy.  They have been asking for more, extra documentation lately that they have never requested before.  This is taking longer for families to pass on to get their Embassy appointment.  It's taken families anywhere from 2-6 weeks to receive this call.  We really just have no idea.  Please pray they do not request anything else from our agency.

I hope all of this makes sense.  If I had it my way...ha, yeah right...I'd like to be traveling around Spring Break.  I'd have a few days at home to get everything ready and spend my birthday with my little man.  I doubt it works out that beautifully, but we'll see.  I just hate that it's been almost a month since we've been with him and we should be much closer to having him in our arms forever than we really are.  I know that in the grand scheme of life, two weeks is a drop in the bucket.  But when it's my baby we're talking about, an extra two weeks feels like an eternity.  I just have to keep reminding myself that I serve a steadfast and sovereign God.  He is in control and knows the plan.

Luckily, there have been a few families who have traveled lately and others who are about to travel...all taking pictures for us!!  Here are a few moments of sweetness...

Through the bars of his crib...sweet dreams.

Check out the haircut.  I almost cried when I noticed.  

No one called me to authorize the cutting of my baby's hair!

Don't worry.  He's not really big enough to pull up.  He was far from being able to do this when we were there a few weeks ago.  I think the nanny propped him up like this.  :)

Contrast

Contrast

verb- to compare in order to show the unlikeness or differences; note the opposite natures, purposes, etc.

noun- a striking exhibition of unlikeness; opposition of different forms

One thing I noticed about Egypt while I was there in college was the stark contrast we saw within the society.  There were huge skyrise buildings and tiny shacks on the side of the road.  There were fancy cars and cell phone towers, yet we saw people riding donkeys and selling fruit from their wooden carts.  Addis Ababa, Ethiopia wasn't much different.

Huge apartment buildings//tiny shacks made from scrap trash, no utilities.  No wrecks or road rage//there seem to be no traffic laws and everyone drives wherever they like.  Our babies adored by their nannies, waiting on Mommies and Daddies//street children begging for their next meal.  Health and beauty//man lying on the side of the road, skin and bones, flies, barely breathing...dying.  I could go on and on.  Such contrast seems unjust.

I feel like contrast has been the theme of my past few weeks.  Not only in experience and what we saw, but also in emotions.  I've been scared, yet elated at the same time.  I've had a roller coaster of emotions and thoughts.  I'm so thankful to have been sent down this road, yet I'm so frustrated with the country for new laws they're enforcing.  I am so in love with this precious baby, yet find it hard to even look at his picture at times because I miss him so much.

As I try to accept all of this, I realize I don't have to.  I don't have to be okay with it all.  I feel like I've been shown the contrast for a reason.  When we see things like this that make us uneasy or uncomfortable, I think we're shown it so that we are aware and can do something about it.  I have no idea what God is wanting me to do or how but my eyes have been opened for a reason.  I don't think we'll ever truly find balance in the world until Jesus comes back but the least we can do is try to bring about some kind of justice to those who can not do for themselves.  I have no idea what this may look like for me or my family but I hope to find out soon.

Family Day

Last weekend we went to Memphis for the day to see the zoo and have Ethiopian food for lunch.  We were lucky and there were a lot of animals out ready to play, and we got to see so many personalities shine!

Mama lion was growling at the crowd, then she went in the corner and pouted, and eventually got over it and laid in the sun.

Meerkats taunting the cheetahs across the way from them.

This tiger was absolutely beautiful!

Thirsty monkey.

They all went over to this area when a crowd formed to hide.  :)

This big guy was just swinging on that big rope.  He then decided to play peekaboo.

Our tour guide for the day.

Gray wolf digging a hole, looking for something.

It was International Polar Bear Day...who knew!  Cooper begged to see the polar bears the whole time and when he saw them, he was ready to go.  Ugh.

Ever seen a 1,100 pound bear go swimming?  They were so cute!

Seriously obsessed with the map!

Feeding time!

Pushing friends out of the way!

Sweet monkeys playing hide-and-seek with the visitors.

After the zoo, we went to eat lunch at Abyssinian Restaurant.  I was a little skeptical that they may not have authentic Ethiopian food.  We walked in and with one foot in the door, I knew this was an authentic restaurant.  Their spices and seasonings have a specific smell to them and I was so happy to smell it.  I'm weird.  I connect strong memories to my sense of smell.  This took me back (almost) two weeks and in my head, I was with my boy again.  I was at the House of Hope, eating the most fabulous food ever.  It was quite an experience for Cooper because Ethiopians eat with their hands!  He thought that was pretty funny and joined right in.  I didn't give him any injera at first because I figured he may not like it.  After he saw me eating it, he asked for some, wanted to use it to pick up his food, and did great with it!  Below is an example picture of ET food and the way it's eaten.  The flat bread is injera and you use it to pick up the other yummy stews and veggies on the plate.  I need to try and fix it for us at home!

We told the older man who owned the restaurant that we had recently gotten back from Addis due to our adoption, etc.  He was very pleased and we talked for a while.  He thanked us for doing something to help out the children who had no families.  He obviously knows the need there.  I showed him a picture and he said, "He's from the South."  I smiled and nodded.  "Kembata," I said.  He gave me a knowing smile and thanked us again.  I can't wait to bring Silas to eat at this restaurant some day.

His Name

Silas
Biblical missionary and friend of Paul (one of my favorite people in the Bible)
Means man of the woods
Means asked for


Selamu
His given first name
Means get peace


Yoseph
His given middle name
His birthmother's father's first name

During the Christmas season, I kept thinking of his name and how Joseph was the 'birthfather' of Jesus, the Prince of Peace, and how Silas spread the Good News.

He was born in area of Ethiopia called Kembata Tembaro Zone and it looks about like this.  I figure 'man of the woods' is appropriate.

Introducing

Silas Selamu Yoseph Taylor

Born:  June 2, 2010

Referred:  November 2, 2010

Adopted:  February 28, 2011

Home:  ??